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I've caught my husband sexting

Just a few days ago I found on my husbands iPhone history of him going to an instant messaging site and talking dirty to female strangers...but this isn't the first time, I've caught him a couple other times and the most recent was when he was testing an old female friend from the state he lived in when he was in school. He tells me when I confront him that he mostly does it for attention and he goes into a sort of sabotage mode and he starts to become paranoid that I will leave him, like his ex-wife did, and that he just does it without thinking about it even though he knows he shouldn't and that he will eventually get caught. I love my husband dearly and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter together and I am not willing to let this petty BS ruin our marriage but I don't want to continue to be hurt and feel betrayed and lied to by him. So my question is how can I help him to break this cycle. Like I said, he knows he's done wrong and I've told him that I won't keep putting up with it and that the only way I'm going to leave is if he keeps pushing me away by doing these things. I just need some advice for myself and for him. Please don't bother commenting if you're going to bash me or my husband, I'm dealing with enough emotionally and I don't need someone to come through and tear us down even more. Thank you.

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Asked by B-rit_32506 at 2:53 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Hugs. No real advice, just if you can- forgive him, if not- let him go...

    Answer by ganna04 at 3:02 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I suggest counseling and maybe even getting into something like an AA program. It sounds like sexting has become an addiction so it may help if you both go (so he can quit and you can understand what's going threw his head).
    You might also get him a different phone and block the internet from it so that way he can't do it so easily. He'd actually have to physically go to the computer which isn't right there in his pocket. (Since it's an Iphone more than likely you have ATT and they wont' block the internet for an iphone because it's a crucial component for it.)

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this hun! I hope he's willing to go to counseling and that it helps.
    One last suggestion is to make time for each other. Plan regular (weekly if you can) date nights. Trust me it does help.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 3:55 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Okay... listen very carefully.... the ONLY way he is going to get it through his head that this IS NOT OKAY is if you ACTUALLY LEAVE HIM. And this is NOT okay. By you staying with him, you saying you do not deserve better. And your child deserves a father who is trustworthy and a good example... I'm not saying this to be rude, but why the heck did you not leave the very first time. I cought my ex sexting the evening before he was to drive me to the hospital for surgery for a miscarriage. I kicked him out and went it alone. Imagine what you would do with TWO children and then find out he is sleeping with someone? Or better yet... now you have an incurable STD. If he is sexting, I SINCERELY doubt the line is drawn there. If you've cought him twice, how many times has he done when you haven't caught him. I sincerely advise you to leave now and don't look back.

    Answer by poweredbycarma at 5:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • its strangers, so they may not even be females, they could be some other morons messing with him. He didn't meet them in person, so .. I dunno I'd talk to him about it, but all thats really gonna do is make him be more sneaky and remember to delete his history or use another mode of internet.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:55 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • His issues sound very plausible. He needs to work on himself before he destroys his marriage. Make him a therapist appt and tell him he has to go. You don't want his insecurity and destructive behavior to ruin your family.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:00 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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