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Soon- to be huband dont want any kids, what to do?

my finance dont want children, we have been dating for 1 yr. i already have a child from a previous relationship. he has none. he knew i wanted to have more hildren in the future. hes a great dad to my child. i love him and i know he love me but i cant get over the fact of not ever having a child again and being married to him, what do i do? we a set to get married in march 2012.

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1MOM2KLF

Asked by 1MOM2KLF at 3:14 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • That's the kind of thing that ultimately ends marriages. You need to decide what's more important to you- having more kids, or marrying this guy. You can't assume he will change his mind. It's a REALLY hard decision, but it has to be done. Good luck!!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:17 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I agree with musicpisces. If you have your heart set on more children then I would not go through with the marriage. There is no guarantee that he is going to change his mind. If he does then maybe there is a chance, but if not I would end it now and look elsewhere. There are plenty more where he came from. I know easier said than done, but really if he doesn't want more and you do? It has to be a two way street. I have a child from a previous relationship and the first thing my husband I discussed before getting too serious was whether he wanted more or not. We are now trying for our 2nd (my 3rd). Always follow your gut, it usually leads you in the right direction. GL

    jnsdrf

    Answer by jnsdrf at 3:27 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • thanks ladys i knew it would come to this. its just hard because i love him n he and my daugther have build a specail bond cuz her real dad not n her life she looks up to him as her dad and he as his daugther. i dont want to spit them up.
    1MOM2KLF

    Comment by 1MOM2KLF (original poster) at 3:34 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • hugs


    It's definitely not an easy decision (otherwise you wouldn't have even posted!). Ultimately, you have to do what will make you happiest. You don't want to resent him for the rest of your life.

    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:40 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Have you found out why he doesn't want them? If you know why you might be able to talk about it or it might be something you could get past. Maybe he can't have kids and it hurts sooo much that he just says he doesn't want any.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 3:58 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • honestly thats common, but they really do change their minds when that baby is in their arms, esp when its a boy and he looks like they do.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 4:29 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • give him some time to think about it
    A11

    Answer by A11 at 4:39 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • That is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Maybe he will change his mind if he knows how badly you want one, and that you are willing to end the relationship because of it. I feel bad for your daughter too, but better to end it now that further down the road. I know I personally could not have married someone that didn't want kids. I'd have been miserable.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 5:15 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Why set a date if you can't even agree on whether to have more children on not. I think the answer is obvious what to do.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 6:49 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Do not marry him. This is an issue that is too important to you so you cannot allow yourself to believe for one minute that he might change his mind. Break it off today, and tell him the exact reason why you are backing out. Then if he suddenly says he has chnaged his mind, do not believe him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:18 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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