Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

my 17 year old isdating a 25 year old .I just cant agree with it,am I so wrong?

Her father and I tried to stop it and that this guy.It seems that he tried to keep his word but shes very minipulative and shes still seeing him.Its going on over 2 months and at one stage we threw her out and she went to stay with her granny.HERbehaviour since she met him has been totally outrageous.She insults me on A DAILY BASIS ,HER 8 YEAR OLD BROTHER IS TERRIFIED OF HER.She says that I cant tell her what to do that shes really 18 and that 7months has nothing to do with it.When she argues with me she physically pushes me trying to provoke me.THIS guy has hasnt got a good reputation nor does his family,they have a name for drugs.MY daughter claims that all he ever did was hash.Her behaviour at home worries ,she screams ,rants and raves like someone possessed.I cant gone like this Ive told her that Im not going to stop her anymore but I dont like what shes doing nor do I agree with it.Shes still not happy with that !

 
demented

Asked by demented at 3:56 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • NO, I don't think your wrong if your a sane loving caring Mother. It does sound as if she's on drugs, and doing what ever she wants no matter what you say or do. Surely the boyfriend is the bad influence, and not too much you can do there unless you do call the cops on him. I'm not sure throwing out her is the best thing to do, but it's your DD and we aren't living this nightmare, so we aren't here to judge. What you can do is take things away from her while she is in your home, the phone, car, doing her laundry, TV, anything that means anything to her. So sorry, I know how it is to have a boyfriend w/your DD that is a bad influence, and it's a very heart breaking road to be on.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 4:46 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Sounds like she is on drugs herself, which would explain her connection to this loser. Seriously, look at the way she is acting. I would try to figure that out first. No 25 year old has any business with a 17-year-old. 25 is a different stage of life than 17. Sounds very suspect to me.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 5:11 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Call the police on her. They will drug screen her. She needs to know that pushing ppl at her age will land her in jail and you can find out if she is on drugs...just a suggestion. Tough love is the sweetest.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 7:30 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I would do 2 things. First is if you know they have had sex to turn him in for rape. Second is to call the cops on her the next time she goes into a fit like that. It's totally uncalled for and unless you are abusing her she has no reason for it. Maybe a nite in jail will make her realize she doesn't have it so bad.
    One last thing is you might want to have her take a drug test. It's either this guy or drugs making her do this complete turn around. And pray momma.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 4:09 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You are her mom. Does she have a car? Take it away. Who buys her clothes, food, etc.? Make sure she knows that everything she has comes from you (if it does). Going out, having things is a privilege, not a right. 7 months is a huge difference - after that time she can do whatever she wants and you can't stop her, but right now you can.
    Usually, older guys like young girls because they (the guys) are incredibly immature and the girls are too young to realize it. Does he have a job, a place to live, etc. I would calmly point out fact based negatives to her instead of making accusations about him based on reputation and rumor.
    If you can keep them apart for the next 7 months, they most likely would have moved on to other people anyway. Can you send her to live with a family member for the remainder of the school year? Hard I know, but it's your daughter!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:01 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Seriously???? You ARE the parent. Ground her, make her stay home, pick her up from school, take her to school, only allow her friends at your house, etc. UNTIL she turns 18. Once she's 18 you can't stop her from doing anything but until then you most certainly can. Almost 18 doesn't mean CRAP! Just because she CAN do whatever she wants at 18 doesn't mean she gets a free pass now at 17 because she'll eventually be 18. So, okay...she's argumentative, she fights, she disobeys you...WHY is she being allowed to date anyone?????? If she has a car, take it away from her. If she has a cell phone that you are paying for, take it away from her. If she has a job, take her to and from it. You ARE in control until she turns 18, let her know that! BTW, those are not consequences for dating a 25yo but the consequences for not listening, for arguing & for being unruly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • YOU ARE NOT WRONG GIRL YOU NEED TO PUT A STOP TO THAT A.S.A.P BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.THAT 25N YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND HAS NO BUSINESS WITH A 17 YEAR OLD
    PASEKA

    Answer by PASEKA at 5:46 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I agree that she sounds like she is on drugs.How is school going? My daughter fell in love with a 14 year old when she was 12! When she was 15 and he was17 they came to me and told me that they were "going out." I told him that she was going to participate in her high school stuff without any interference from him, and that her grades had to stay up, and if they couldn't live with that they could forget it! Now she is 17, he is going to be 20 soon, but they have both followed my rules and everything is fine. He was a drop out, now he is taking classes to get his GED, and she is on honor roll. At 17 years old, you just have to bite the bullet, try to talk to her as a friend, because she has outgrown your lap. Let her know your concerns, and tell her that you will be there for her if she needs you as she continues down this road, but that you will NOT tolerate drugs or drug use! Tell her if she needs help, she will get it.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 5:46 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • How is she "really 18"??? Because 18 years ago you were 2 mos. pregnant with her? That doesn't float ANYWHERE, LOL That would be like a 20 year old 3 mos. past their bday trying to argue in court that technically they are 21 so they should be able to drink because 21 years ago their mother was pregnant with them. Your 17yo is trying to manipulate you and it seems like it is working to some extent. Stand firm and be the person who keeps her on the right path. I am going to presume that she is a high school Senior or Junior....keep her focused on her school work and not on her social life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Ugh. What an awful situation. No you're not wrong, the only reason a 23 year old would be interested in a 17 year old is so that he can control her.
    I would go to my local police station and talk to them about what could be done. You need to save her.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:58 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN