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Is confronting your DH useful or counter-productive?

in reference to chatting online or texting.

once caught and confronted, don't they just pay lip service and now being more aware, remember to delete history and just learn to be more covert about what they do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:59 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Confronting a problem is always a good thing.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:34 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I think it depends on the man and on how you confront him. As wives, part of our responsibility is to hold our husbands accountable for their conduct. The sad fact is that most of us don't know how to do that and do it correctly. Having been married now almost 46 years, I can tell you that learning how to address these issues is key, and to be perfectly honest, I am still learning. There's a couple of books I've found helpful. One is FOR BETTER OR FOR BEST by Gary Smalley and the other is BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. In any case, I do not think that one time is all that you should try and sometimes, a woman has to take really desperate action. In your case, it might even be removing the computer from the home. Maybe then hubby will realize that you are very serious about his behavior.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:15 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I agree with NannyB and Bmat! I've been married for 31 years and I believe in confronting anybody and everybody with my concerns. Do it tactfully, and it usually works out better than you may think. If you keep it inside, you'll be the one to suffer in the long run.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • In my marriage, (40 years,) I've found that if I treat it not as a confrontation but as a discussion between adults, my husband considers my concerns and takes them to heart. We don't have the computer problem, so I don't know about this specific problem, which is probably an addiction and may need professional guidance to help. In general, when dealing with a difference of opinions, don't call names, don't bring up past grievances, and state the issue from your point of view (I worry that when you spend so much time in chat rooms that it takes away from time with the family. or I worry that talking in chat rooms so much may pull you away from our marriage. etc..) It might help to negotiate time spent, such as only a half hour a day total in chat rooms, etc. Another thought is to fight fire with fire and make yourself and home life more appealing than the chat room. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:33 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'd just let him know that I know and disapprove. I wouldn't give him the opportunity to pay lip service. I would say it and walk away. There is no need for him to say anything.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:48 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I have no idea because I don't care if he does it.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 7:17 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • does that go both ways, as DHs are they responsible for being accountable for our conduct? I'm not his mother.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:23 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • removing the laptop seems illegal. Its his property, He's an adult. And that seems like treating him like a teenager. and what I would be doing is stealing (or forcing him to find other means to access the net).
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:25 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • admckenzie.... I don't see that accomplishing much. It very "my way or highway". He's an adult with rights and likes as well, why can't he attempt to make a compromise with you? Not being snarky, but if you did that to me, I'd prbly blow you off if I was him and carry on, if necessary when you weren't around to see it. If I was your Dh and wasn't allowed to have my say, I wouldn't consider it all that major since you couldn't be bothered to hear my side of it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:29 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

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