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10 Bumps

Not the right thing to say to a new mother...

My 18 year old daughter just had a baby girl in July.... I am actually proud of her because she has stepped up and has been an amazing mother... she doesnt act like a teen mom, but a very mature mom... She does still live with us at home, because her fiance works nights and we have a large house ( plus I still get to see her and spend time with my grandaugter) ..and so she spends her days taking excellent care of the baby and also she cleans the house and usually makes us all dinner ...... so things are pretty great at our house ...

BUT ... when she came home from the hospital they sent a home nurse to do a wellness check on her and the baby ( they also took her staples out from her c-section) ... as they were talking the nurse told her that with young moms it is common for the stae to have to get involved and alot of the babies end up in foster care.... and that if they come back to the house and some signs of a baby who is neglected is if they dont want to be held.. and that is she doesnt hold the baby alot they can tell if they came back ( they havent came back and wont ) ....

Well I think this scared my daughter... she is a good mom but i think she is too over protective of the baby now... I know it is wonderful that she spends time with the baby and holds her but she does it so much and I know it is taking a toll on my daughter... She literally doesnt even go to the bathroom with her, when she cleans she wears the baby in a sling or holds hers, she has really never even left the room without the baby ( even with someone holding / watching the baby for her...)

And while I think it is great for a teen mom to be like this ( when most teen moms leave their babies alot) ... I think it is causing her stress to worry that much , and I think it mostly has to do with what that home nurse told her.....

What would you say or do to make her relax a little ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (27)
  • ¸.•*"Wow noone ever told me that with my first son and i was a very young teen mom back then..i think that would of really scared me also and made me become very overly protective of the baby and everything...i think you should just tell her she is doing a great job and remind her of that often ...i think it's great she is there with you and your family ...sounds like you have some wonderful blessings...

    Answer by gracelessstar21 at 10:40 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I would tell her that that nurse is full of bologna! all babies are different, my son didn't always want to be held, he liked to be able to move freely. I've never heard such a dumb thing. The state cannot do an inspection just because she is a yuong, single mom. Tell her that her daughter needs to be put down to develop her muscles and motor skills.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 10:41 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'd tell her that the nurse was just trying to scare her, which I think may be the case. It sounds like she's doing a wonderful job and the baby will not end up in foster care.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:41 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'd report the nurse. I'd tell your daughter that the baby has to be put down sometimes so he can learn independence like she did.

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:42 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • There is more to it than what the nurse said. This might have started it or brought her attention to it. If you think she is now obsessive, you should urge her to discuss this with the Dr.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:45 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • wow. that sounds aweful and she (the nurse) had no right to say such a thing to her. and its so not true becuse you what kids in foster care can come from a 35yr old woman or 15yr girl.there is not set number of those kids in foster care. i would try to get the baby to be left with someone and let your daughter go out by h erself. she has to learn to let go. how old is the baby? she can be going through some kind of dpression. i would try to talk with a doctor if she doesn't letyou take care of the baby. maybe you can both go to a spa for a day and have a girls day and let the dad take care of the baby. i really don't know really. i will bump the question. seperation anxiety from the mom's part. its difficult. but she will get through it. if the baby is still young then i would just have her take some time but send her to the supermarket that you can watch the baby or something. something simple. 10-15mins.

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:47 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • cont.
    that way she knows the baby is fine with you and she can have some time for herself a little bit at a time. good luck

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:47 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I think it does have to do with the nurse and not an obbsessive thing.... the week before they came she was very laidback..she still held her alot but she would let others visit with the baby and would go take showers and stuff ..... after the nurse told her that , the only time she will do something without the baby in the room is if she is making sure someone is holding the baby ... and only wants the baby in the bouncy chair or swing is when she is in the shower or cooking something that splashes

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I would just continue to be there for her and reassure her that she is doing a great job. She may just be a little scared right now and as she sees that no one is going to come and take the baby her fears will lessen and she will start to relax more.

    Answer by My_3_Babies at 11:02 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • First off, did you report the nurse? How many young moms is she messing with? Good grief, some people never need to work with the general public. For your daughter, I would talk with her and let her know that the nurse was crazy and talking out of her a$$ and not to worry about it so much. It's sad that she's so worried about it now. Good luck!

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:06 AM on Dec. 13, 2010

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