From an adoptees heart I can tell you that it is distressing to see arguments about "the mom" titles and roles. We simply want to be able to claim both of you and be able to benefit from what both of you has meant to us in whatever role that is (even if we don't know a thing about you).
In order to fully accept ourselves (as in identity development) we must have the opportunity to view both of our moms for what they have added to our lives. Even in situations of abuse/neglect and involuntary termination of birth parents' rights, there needs to be something positive to claim for the adoptee. How hard is it to say something nice? Like..."I love your eyes, your birth mom probably had beautiful eyes too!"
Why does it seem to be a big battle over the title "mom" in adoption?
Answer by manna1qd at 8:36 AM on Nov. 9, 2008
Answer by mommyof20507 at 3:26 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 3:36 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 3:45 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 5:26 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Allaboutkeeley. You just don't get it do you? Instead of arguing why can't you just listen to what this very wise and loving adoptee is trying to tell you. It's not about you, or what you think. It's not ok to just dismiss it as being "a bit selfish". By refusing to see your daughters birth mother as a mom, her other mom, the one who bought her into the world and gave her her looks and personalily, you are doing your daughter a disservice.
Answer by onethentwins at 5:28 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:52 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 6:00 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
frogdawg: Thank you. I know there are situations in which I am more sensitive than others and adoption is one of them...especially when discussing it here. Sometimes it almost feels like I need to be more of a mom because of how I became a mom. I know this is the case with many other AMoms also. Like we have to PROVE we are capable of being a mom since it didn't come naturally. I aplogize to you too because of my sensitivity and for being so quick to jump. Thank you for understanding why and where I was coming from. We don't hide from DD's adoption, but embrace it. I want to do everything in my power to raise DD into a happy and healthy adoptee. I am a member of adoption groups and websites and come to this Q&A to see other sides and to get other perspectives, as well as share my own. Again, thank you...and I'm sorry too!! :-)
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 6:52 PM on Nov. 7, 2008
Next question overall
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