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6 year's and still not married..

I have been with my daughter's father for 6 year's January 29th, of course I want to be married, I feel he doesn't altho he want's to be with me forever, I want the commitment, but i'm not crazy about it needing it, I feel i'm wasting my time on this relationship because without marriage there is no solid commitment, but on the other hand it's not a waste of my trime because of our daughter, It's very wierd sometimes to say my "boyfriend" even though we have a child and i know it's silly, I want to be a complete family already.. Would you stay with someone who doesn't want to take the next step even though you have a child together?

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AudrisMom06

Asked by AudrisMom06 at 3:21 PM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (130 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I'm in the same boat, although it's only been 4 years.
    MomMom23

    Answer by MomMom23 at 3:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • The boyfriend thing bugs me the most too... I feel for you
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 3:24 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • tell him what you told us. the decision is the two of yall's to make. lol, I said yall's. my country is showing :P
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 3:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • on another note, i do have a friend who has been girlfriend/boyfriend with the father of 2 of her kids for 6 years also and they just set the wedding date for March 26, 2011. so there's hope.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 3:28 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • What kind of conversations have you had around marriage? Does he know how much you want to be married? My view on it is that 6 years is definitely a commitment even though you don't have a certificate to certify that. Congrats on making it that far!
    TeacherMeg23

    Answer by TeacherMeg23 at 3:28 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I'm 49, so I'm probably a different generation, but I know I wouldn't have stayed with a guy that could have a baby with me & not marry me. I've seen the question asked so many times does that "piece of paper" really mean anything, especially w/ all of the divorces there are today.

    I think it does, it means that you love that person enough that you are willing to make a legal & moral commitment to them & to let everyone else know that you've made that commitment as well. My husband & I have been married for 22 yrs. I definitely felt different after we were married, I felt closer, more connected & I knew that he was just as committed to our relationship as I was. I asked my husband about this & he said it definitely mattered. That there had been women he lived with (he was 30 when we got married) & had never intended to marry & that making that commitment to me was very important. You have to decide how important it is to you.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:31 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I have talked to him about it, nothing in detail, but he know's i want to get married, i really don't like to bring it up or push on it because i don't want to be that sort of "marriage crazy" women, i'd imagine i'd make myself go crazy obsessing so much about it.. I know 6 year's is a commitment, and it's crazy we've lasted this long, but we have been through ALOT, and thing's in our lives with in the past 1.5 year's have finally all started to fall into place where they should.. It is silly to want that piece of paper to finalize thing's but i think what also bother's me is that i don't share my child's last name, But i do hold on hope!!! Thanks so much for everyone's reply, i'm new here!
    AudrisMom06

    Comment by AudrisMom06 (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • If you've been together that long, you ARE in a committed relationship.

    I'm divorced, and I'll speak for the fact that a marriage license does not equate commitment. The proof is in the pudding- Time has spoken your commitment already.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 3:33 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I have been with my SO for 9 years, we are not married, I am notĀ eagear to get married. I don't think our commitment can be any stronger than it already is. There are some people I know who meet their now divorced hubby's after I was dating my SO and they got married and divorced already I think the relationship was a total of 2.5 years. I think I grew up slightly different then most, my mother never married, and doesn't plan on it still, although she has been with my dad for over 30 years. If you seriously want to tell him you want to and you want to plan it even f it is for a couple years from now. For me and my SO I am in no rush to get married. He says we should do it on our 10 years anniversary...... that could be fun, but I don't know..... I just don't like that we would have to spend so much money to do it, and we already are living the life style. ( we would have to have a big wedding to many relatives.. LoL
    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 3:51 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • A marriage license does not a commitment make! It just means you have to get another PILE of paper to dissolve the relationship. I was married 25+ years to a man who abused me & cheated on me. We've been divorced for 9 years now, thankfully! I am now with the most wonderful man who is totally committed to me and I to him. We've been together for 6 years and, we don't need a piece of paper to prove it to each other. We will eventually get married because that is what his company requires us to do so I receive his pension should something happen to him. But, we DON'T need it to prove our commitment to each other!
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 3:58 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

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