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How is your household

Run?What I mean is if ur a sahm and when ur husband gets paid,Does he give u the check or deposit it for u to take care of the bills,buy the grocerys,get all u need for u,him and family.Or does he take care of all that stuff and u have to ask him for money when u or the kids need something?My husband has always been in control over the money and I have always had to ask for something we need.He even rather do the grocery shopping. When I have,he gives me a certain amount and it never covers all we need.Like e.g.Honey I need tampons,I need some money!I hate it like this.He's not really selfish just wants to handle everything hisself.I have always been a sahm of 4 kids and not bragging either but am a dang good one too!I keep everything done.He never has to do one thing around the house or help with the kids.I know he works hard for us so I show him I appreciate everyday he works to provide for us by keeping it all nice and tidy.but I feel like he should allow me more control over some money to spend on things I need sometimes.How is it at ur house?I have loved being home but at the same time feel guilty for not working outside the home too,I always feel I have no right to ask him for anything.I wish I knew how not to always feel bad for not bringing in some money to,so I compensate by wearing myself out taking care of our kids and home,I clean everything everday,feel almost OCD about it,or is it the guilt that I clean so much? Makes sense?He knows how I feel but just ignors me about the money handeling mostly.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Dec. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • We have a joint account! I dont think he even knows when Im spending his money, just trusts that I consult him on big purchases but for things like groceries or stuff for the kids or the house or even some light shopping for myself i just buy as I need it.
    kricketandisla

    Answer by kricketandisla at 4:15 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • well the money goes straight in the account i do have to ask at times but it helps as we both go out n get things we need if im feeling right or not then i just give him a list
    angelbaby1323

    Answer by angelbaby1323 at 4:16 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • In our home, the money dh makes is direct deposited into our joint account. I do most of the bill paying and finances for our family. But we both have full access to the accounts and if either of us wants money for something we take the money out and spend it. We do discuss how much we need so we don;t run short on bills, but the money is completely shared.

    I am sorry your dh isn't able to share control of things. I am not sure I could live that way.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 4:19 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Hubby's check is direct deposited into our account. We do have one debit card that he keeps most of the time, but I use it for shopping, gas, etc. The checkbook stays here and I pay all of the bills with it and use it if I need money for something.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 4:20 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • i went through some trouble with this through the years. we both had to learn no matter what it is Our money and needs to be shared accordingly. Even on a tight budget you need to have basics hygiene stuff available and whatever you need to take care of you. I think thare some control issues going on. Approach him at a time when you can both sit down and talk rationally and telly him what your needs are and start to learn to communicate more when it comes to finances.
    KristinaMari876

    Answer by KristinaMari876 at 4:21 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • We, too, have a join account. My husband deposits his check on pay day. I keep track of what bills are paid when and I pay them. I've been a stay at home mom for 2 1/2 years. I do the grocery shopping and whatnot and keep track of the checkbook. DH just brings me receipts when he spends so I can take them out of the checkbook so we don' t go over what our bills cost and such.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 4:24 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • We have joint accounts, and his check is direct deposited. When we get any extra money, like extra money school financial aid or tax refund, it's in our account.
    I have full access to all money. I pay the bills, unless he feels like he wants to do it. I grocery shop, unless it gets done on the weekend, and we all go. But, then we spend more. I can shop for myself, or the kids when I want. I don't spend on myself like I used to. I can, and he kinda wants me to. If I want something, and we have the money, I can have it. Something bigger, like jewelry, not like craft stuff. Big things we get at tax return time.
    It's always been like this, since we got married. As soon as we got married, we got joint accounts.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:37 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • His money, my money, is our money. We take our monthly income, make a budget to spend it, and agree upon it.
    I however, do the paperwork. I pay the bills, yadda yadda yadda. What he could do is after you make the budget and agree on it, take the grocery money and your spending money in cash. Then let him pay all the bills and do the rest.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:49 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • ummm...as far as dynamics, which I'm assuming is what you're referring to...
    I'm a full-time college student & work part time...as well as wife & mother. I don't contribute a whole lot to the bank account, but I do pull my weight around here.
    my husband works full-time, in production at an ethanol plant. so he works shift. 12hrs and switches between the day/night shift, each for 4wks. and inspite of all that, he still helps a lot. he'll do the dishes, clean the kitchen/bathroom (I hate both! lol), do the laundry, vacuum..he'll do anything/everything...and I usually don't have to ask.
    we usually get groceries together, and make a little family outing out of it with our DS. we both put our check into the same account, and he usually pays all the bills.
    just the way it's always been. it works for us. :)
    -mrs.mamma-

    Answer by -mrs.mamma- at 4:57 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • For us, I work part time and keep my own money. I pay a couple of our smaller bills and use the rest for groceries and household items. I do that because that is how my husband wants it. If there is leftover, its my spending money. If there is nothing left and I need more, I have to ask him. I'm fine with it being that way, but I realize that not everyone would be. I'm actually kind of jealous that your hubby wants to do the grocery shopping. LOL. If it really bothers you,can you talk to him about getting an allowance each payday for some of your smaller incidentals and such?
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 8:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

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