Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Why can't I decide... I think I know whats best..

My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving to NH since June. in July we find out we are expecting. Well, its not stopping us from moving. But I am. I have my 6 yr old son whom lives with his father, and has for just over 3 yrs. According to the state of Florida, his dad has custody not me. I feel moving will help me get where I want to be, and offer more opportunities, and a better future for my son. I feel guilty for wanting to move away, but as a mom I can't give the ok yet. I know ppl do it everyday, and im not running away, im trying to make a better life. I have family home that can help me/us. I want to have my son live with me, but his dad will put up a fight, cause our son is all he has. Im willing to go for custody, but I need to make sure I have what is needed to provide for him. anyways... my bf said he knows it will be hard for me to leave and wonders if I can go through with it... that why he leaving the ok up to me... am i a bad mom for wanting to move away and do better??? (of course ill have vacations to see him and have him durnig summers and all).. ughhhh please dont make me feel more horrible for leaving without my son.. just need little advice..

Answer Question

Asked by mommyoftristan at 7:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,903 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • How often do you see your son now?


    Answer by JeremysMom at 7:54 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • That's hard. I don't think I would ever be able to leave my daughter. I'd have to at least try to fight for custody before moving away, but that's just me. I guess you can't stick around just for your son if you're in a bad situation there. Definitely try to get custody whenever you can though.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 7:56 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Jeremysmom.. not enough.... every other weekend.. and as much as i can during the week... which is like maybe one MAYBE 2 days

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 7:57 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • its killing me to even think of leaving... but i make 150.00 a month after i pay child support and my bf got laid off in Oct, so he gets 275 wk from unempl. we both put in like 5+ apps a day and nothing. we roomate with our friends and their baby. i had to sell my car to pay child support its so bad

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 8:01 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I think you just answered your own question then. If every other weekend and a few times during the week is not enough, then a few weeks throughout the year and during the summer, definitely won't be enough. I don't know your situation but is there any way to stay in Florida or not to far from your son and still do what you want to do?


    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:02 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Is there any way to get child support lowered until you can get back up on your feet?


    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:06 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • waiting for the state to decided

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 8:08 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I would never, EVER leave my son. He may eventually leave me behind but I would never leave him behind.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:14 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Hey grl.I've been in your same boat,i lived in massachusettes my whole life and really neva made it any where but after years of being stressd about living the way i was i decided to move to tennessee around my dad and otha family.My biggest problem was that my daughter lived wit her dad in mass and i struggled with the decision to leave because of her,i felt that if i left i was leaving her behind,i finally had to make the decision to go for my bennefit also for my son that was with me.It was betta life out here for us and i knew my daughter would be ok with her dad,as long as you keep in good contact with ur son,pictuers,phone calls,cards and just calling to say hi,then u should be ok.Its hard to leave a child behind but if they are in good hands then go for it grl,Make your life as good as you can.IT will be hard but u can do it trust me.u cant be 100% happy if u dwell ya knw wat i mean?Explain to ur lil man

    Answer by carisa368 at 9:19 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You know you can still be super involved even if you are not right there... phone calls, shoot SKYCAM, letters etc. Make SURE that you set up a long-distance visiting schedule and I would try to get CS modified BEFORE you leave.
    You know that dad is good to him and takes good care of him. You also need to get yourself into a good place.

    Right now from what you are writing, being a good mom IS having him live with dad.

    If you and dad have a good relationship, work it out b/w yourselves and then FILE the new agreement with the courts (NEVER, EVER FORGET to MAKE IT LEGAL)


    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 10:18 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.