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I felt guilty for snapping..I hate guilt

Ok. Here's me being a martyr: I am a work-at-home mom with 2 toddlers under 4, a husband who works far and comes home Thur thru Sunday, and one 15 year old step daughter who is here e/o weekend. My poor husband works to support us and is a great father, but, I get mad b/c I feel he is oblivious and forgets to often direct his daughter. After taking care of the kids, working, doing laundry for everybody, cooked, cleaned, picked up toys all day long, washed a billion dishes, went grocery shopping, blah, blah, blah..I saw my stepdaughters dishes in the sink I SNAPPED. This happens everytime she's over, I feel like a maid, it doesn't matter how many times we tell her she still does it! My husband wants me to set the rules and I'm tired of feeling like I do it all...well just about. It's my house, but, she's not my kid. I try to teach her but she conveniently forgets..she behaves like a visitor with no accountability. Sometimes I feel like NOT cooking for her, not washing her towels, not buying her goodies and her soymilk that she MUST have, picking her up from school, etc,etc. What is done for me? Thanks I just had to vent.

My husband says I have it so easy b/c I am home and in some ways he's right, but, it's also very hard to do it all alone with no additional help and no money to get help. I get no escape whereas at least my husband does and it's easy to feel unappreciated and misunderstood. Is this a common feeling? I don't like nagging, but, I hate seeing my sink full of dishes from people capable of cleaning after themselves...should I just deal with it and not sweat it? I just don't know.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Dec. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • I can totally understand. One thing is, have you clearly stated the ground rules in a calm and kind but direct manner? Make a chore chart/list and hold her to it. 15 year olds have the teen brain as Dr. Phil points out and I honestly think it's true. Sounds like bull but it seems to be true. Be firm but kind. It's probably not easy going from home to home at that age. GL

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • she is 15!! she can help. at 15 i had a job, cooking, cleaning and helpin out at home

    Answer by piwife at 11:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You are not being unreasonable.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 11:48 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • I realize that she's not your daughter and your husband should be the one to tell her that she needs to help out some around the house when she is there. If you told her what to do, she could easily say, "You're not my mom and you can't tell me what to do." I sure that there are some stepparents on here that will tell you that it has happened to them. But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. I hope things will work out for you in the end. Good Luck!

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • You are not being unreasonable but every other weekend is hard to break habits of what she might do for two weeks in between. If her Mother is fine with it then most kind will just continue that behavior. I know what you mean by feeling unappreciated. I have a 5 a 4 and 2 year old and another on the way and all my days consist of is cleaning, cooking, washing and then putting the kids in bed. My husband is in the Navy and is not home for months at a time so it can be trying for sure.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

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