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This question is for step-moms only.......

Have you had your step-child tell you that you can't tell them what to do because you are not their mother? If so, how did you handle the situation?

 
amessageofhope

Asked by amessageofhope at 11:54 PM on Dec. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 23 (17,397 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You can't force a child to accept you. Having gone through this, I know. The father needs to step up and handle this type of situation. He needs to explain that you won't be spoken to in that manner because you are his wife and while in your home he does have to listen to you. I always told my stepkids that I wasn't trying to take the place of their mom 0 they were very young when I started dating my husband and one wanted to call me mom. To avoid issues with a very irrational mom, I stopped that one. As they aged, one did the rebelling with me and STILL does at age 23 so my advice is wait it out. Stop the "tone" and treatment only but don't force yourself and your relationship on them. Just be a good stepmom, try to not let them and their behavior bother you TOO much :)
    nodak67

    Answer by nodak67 at 2:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My skids tell me that all the time. I just say I may not be their mom but it is my house and EVERYONE who lives in it has to follow the same rules.
    hotrodlassie

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 12:09 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Unfortunately, I don't see my bonus son nearly enough for this situation to happen. Besides, I think my bonus son is one of the better behaved 11-year-olds that I've met.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 11:55 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • My step son says it all the time. He screams your not my mom, my daddy's going to shot and kill you . He's only 3 years old and he;s daddy isn't he's daddy it's his step daddy and my husbands the daddy and he screams the same thing to him. I just put him in time out and tell him he cant say those things. Also said when he's visiting me I'm in charge of him and what I say goes. I haven't had my stepson in over a month because of the stuff he does. I cant handle him he needs discipline but his mother lets him get away with everything.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:56 PM on Dec. 13, 2010

  • Depends on the age really. If they are real young than they get a time out from me and a lecture on disrespecting elders whether they are your parent or not. If they are older I have a talk with hubby about all sitting down together for a respectful chat about household rules and consequences.
    usdragonflies

    Answer by usdragonflies at 12:02 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I told him that must mean, if hes hurt I dont have to fix his boo boo or if hes hungry I dont have to feed him either. May sound cruel but things got better after that. ( not good but better)
    megamamaw

    Answer by megamamaw at 12:16 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • NEVER!
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:10 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I agree with megamawaw, if I can't tell you what to do, then you don't get the other benefits from living with me either. If i am not your mother then I am not in all aspects, I told them you cannot pick and chose. My house, my rules. (my stepson was 12 at the time) It went is stages of getting along and not getting along. I can say I am so glad he is 21 now and on his own.
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 1:25 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Just say, "I'm not your mother, but I'm the adult who is in charge, do what I say". If he's very young, I'd then just ignore him, or put him in time out, or take away priviledges, whatever is age appropriate. Then later, I would talk to his dad about it, and if you are on speaking terms, also his mother. It always works best if all the adults work as a group.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:45 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I have never had him say that to me.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 12:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2010