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my 5 year old always asks why his dad never calls.what should i tell him?

his real dad lives like almost an hour away and we been split up since he was 2..and my current df has been around since my son was almost 3.his real dad only calls every once in a great while..and barely ever sees my son that is now 5 yrs old!!he once went a whole year not seeing him.he seems to have a sorry excuse for everything.i hate to see my son hurt it makes me sad and i even cry about it if i think about it alot.what should i tell him? help please!!

 
babymamma123

Asked by babymamma123 at 1:07 AM on Dec. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 11 (530 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Say I don't know why don't you ask him... call dad give ds the phone and let him talk to dad.
    I've been doing it to mine for a loooong time (they are now 8 and 5)... I've noticed the "I miss dad etc." thing goes in waves and right now around chritmas its a biggie. Their father lives in another state, has always been inconsistent, and hasn't seen them going on 2.5 years. BUT they kinds a relationship by phone.
    I encourage them to call dad whenever they miss him or have something they want to tell them. I STAY OUT OF IT... If they have a question about why they haven't seen him etc. I will tell them that right now I don't have the $ to take them up there (I don't mention the 20K he owes in CS) and then redirect them: do you want to call daddy to talk to him.
    My idea is that I'm putting the ball right in their court. Its THEIR relationship, NOT mine... they can tell him how they feel etc. and he answers to them.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 9:28 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Sometimes big people get too caught up in life and don't realize when they are missing out on a really great thing like you!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:09 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Unless you have some kind of telepathy, I'd suggest sticking to answering using the information you have:

    "I don't know, maybe you could ask him next time you talk to him?"
    "He didn't tell me, either, hon."
    "We could speculate about that all day and probably never get anywhere near the truth."
    "I really couldn't say."
    "That makes you feel left out, doesn't it sweetie?"
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:09 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I think he needs to know how his son feels and how he is missing out on knowing a GREAT son!
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 8:54 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • YOU don’t need to tell him anything. Call his dad, hand your son the phone and let the dad explain.
    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 2:18 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I have a 2 and a 3 yr old and their father hasn't called anyone in my family or been to court or anything to even try to see his kids. I can;t make him care so when my 3 yr old asks where is daddy I just say well i don't know. he hasn't called me. it's hard I don't even know what to tell her because she don't even know what a daddy is...
    booskybear23

    Answer by booskybear23 at 1:14 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • so far i have been telling him..well i dont know maybe when he does call you can ask him why...but he gets so down sometimes..and then other times he doesnt seem to care whether he calls or not..and if its been really long like more than 2 months somtimes when he does call my son doesnt want to talk to him..it breaks my heart because i want my son to be in his fathers life.and his father in his. i dont know what to do :( even though my current fiance is a great dad to my son. he been there since 2
    babymamma123

    Comment by babymamma123 (original poster) at 1:14 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • First of all ...be honest with your son and tell him you don't know why.....
    Second of all you need to contact the father and tell him he either needs to be in the kids life more, and more than just phone calls or he needs to be totally out. Its not fair to the boy
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 9:24 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • "I don't know, why don't you ask him?"

    Don't put yourself in the middle of their relationship, in a position where you rely on lies. Only tell him what you know to be true.
    yoliplus6

    Answer by yoliplus6 at 11:40 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Just tell him you don't know and say you know he is upset, and then just listen to him. He needs someone to listen to his hurt feelings. You can acknowledge them without telling him a lie or getting in the middle. Just say something like, "sounds like this is upsetting to you" or "I'm sorry he doesn't call more often"
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:53 AM on Dec. 14, 2010