Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

A lil depressed and confused....

Well so you will understand here is a brief history. My parents were both on drugs and alcohol BAD. My brother and I were put into foster care. My father however even when we were at home used to beat us or not want anything to do with us. Well with all that being said my mom and I have now gotten a better relationship and she is clean and sober thanks to my step dad. My father is still not around nor does he want to be. I have made several attempts to try and start the relationship over since I am grown and nope he dont want it, but he can cater to my step moms kids and they are BAD into drugs, alcohol and in and out of jail. I have NEVER been in any of that. I thought since I was pregnant it would be a great chance for him and I to bond but he STILL dont want nothing to do with my brother or me. I am depressed due to not having my birth father want me, but my stepdad (god bless him) I am grateful because he is trying to give me what I missed out on. It just isnt the same as my birth father or what my sperm donor should have done. The question is should I just give up and no longer try or should I just step back and continue to try with him off an on?

Answer Question

Asked by ready4baby2011 at 1:24 AM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,078 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I think you might as well try if you someday want something to do with your father, but if it is hurting you, which it seems like it is doing, get over it. It is easy for me to say because I am not in your shoes but I feel like if you keep getting disapointed than don't have your hopes up for anything to change. As long as you don't assume it will be different next time then keep trying!

    Answer by dbodani at 1:29 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I am so sorry to hear your story. Sometimes we just have to turn our backs on the negatives in our lives, and resolve to do better for our kids! I would be thankful that I had a good stepfather, and put your birth father way back away in your mind. Forget about him! He doesn't sound like he deserves you anyway! Just move on and up honey, and be happy that your stepfather will make a good grandpa for your new little one!

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 1:31 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • thank you. That does help. My hubby and my mom and step dad tell me the same thing, but there is always this part of me that wants my birth dad to want to be in my life.

    Comment by ready4baby2011 (original poster) at 1:33 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I think the reason your father will have anything to do youth your step mothers children is because they do drugs, so that means they probably give him drugs, or know the hookups, you dont have the hookups so in a druggy mind set, your pretty much useless. Its not your fault its his. Do you really want him in your life if he is essentially little more than a sperm donor? you have a great step dad and I think you should just focus your energies on him and stop wasting time with the loser.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • A father isn't someone who is genetically matched to you. If your bio father doesn't want anything to do with you or your baby, that is his loss. I commend your step dad for making the effort to be there for you. At least that means he cares enough about you. Don't let your "dad" bring you down. You're about to have a baby and you should be happy, not worrying about him. Good luck with your pregnancy!! =)

    Answer by BellasMom185 at 2:02 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • thank you bellasmom

    Comment by ready4baby2011 (original poster) at 2:12 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • That just sucks. Thank you for sharing your question, I do not see where you have any choices. Let go and move full force with your new life and new baby. Enjoy the people who love you and give no mind to the people that are not in your life. Today is not forever. Let go.

    group hugKeep sharing with your cafe-mom friends. I will be your friend.



    Answer by rosetoes at 5:15 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Give it up. My father made a baby born in between my brother and I. He was there for that kid, but not us EVER.

    Answer by MotherAndMore at 6:05 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Your stepdad is your real dad. Stop looking for a father figure in someone that just spawned you and doesn't care. It's not healthy. Family is more than blood. In fact some of the best families aren't related.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 2:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Congrats on the baby!! But on the father issue I would just accept that your SD is your "real" father.

    Answer by fairygurl91787 at 1:51 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.