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Shouldnt She be punished?

Good Morning! I hope all is well with everyone. Here is my scenerio. I have a stepdaughter who is 10. We see her just as much as her mother. We have her every tues, thurs and every other weekend. While her mother has her every mon and wed and every other weekend. With that being said, we found out yesterday that my stepdaughter has created a facebook account while at her mothers , after her father has constantly told her she was too young to get a account. On her page it said she was 20 years old and looking for MEN... This is NOT ok with me. I believe we should take her computer and tv out of the room at our house, however my husband is uncertain he wants to " punish" her that bad because he doesnt see her EVERY day? Is this right? I still believe children in divorced families still need disicplined but my parents were still together growing up so I dont know what its like. I dont want him to think I am being hard on her but I STRONGLY disagree with a simple slap on the hand. What do you think?

 

As I agree with all the answers here. Maybe I need to be a little more clear. We  ( her father and I ) have her just as much as her mother. I agree that being a "step" parent doesnt give me the right to punish her, however I am looking for her best interest. We have a smaller child TOGETHER and she needs to try to set a POSITIVE example for the other children. Therefore what kind example are we setting in EITHER household if she isnt punished.  ...... Also might I add, that she in NOT close to her mother, I honestly believe that she did this at her house to get ATTENTION from her mom. I feel bad for her

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Dec. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I think that you, mom and dad need to sit down and have a discussion about your concerns and rules. The daughter needs to be brought in, have her open her facebook page and fix it to be appropriate. Then mom and dad get the password and monitor the account. If the password changes, the computer is gone. If there is inappropriate conversations, the computer is gone. You all have to agree and inforce the rules. Mom and dad need to be on the same page.
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 11:00 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I agree with you, however it won't mean much if her mother and father don't agree that this is wrong. Your DH needs to talk to her mother and explain that the daughter was told not to start an account, especially one that is dishonest.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:51 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • She needs to understand that thare are boundaries. This is something where she could have been harmed, and was lieing. Does she understand that? I agree that her computer should be taken away for an amount of time until she earns the right to have it back. Also, it would be a good idea to have the computer either in the living room or somewhere that she can be monitered.Have you talked to her mother. It would be best if the adults could work together to have the same rules at both houses.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 7:51 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • She should be punished!! There are too many stalkers on FB and Myspace to have anyone under the age of 18 making profiles!! I would not only take her computer but I would sit down with her mother and explain the situation to her as well, Parents need to show a united front for the kids well being and to raise them right. She needs to understand that she cant get away with things at one parents house over another!
    AingealsBabies

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 7:50 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • JMO here.. The punishment is all up to the mom and dad here. Not you. Now if you want to put your 2 cents in, go ahead. But this is her mom and das issue.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:30 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I agree with you, but she is his child, and he will have to be the one to adminster the discipline. If you yank the computer, you will only cause trouble for yourself. But you can tell him that a mother of 3 and a grandmother of 6 said that he had better take a very strong stand on this one, because it is an indication of bigger trouble to come. If she's telling lies of this magnitude at 10 and trying to pass herself off to men as being 10 years older than she is now, Daddy is in for a very rough ride and some heartbreaking developments. He had better get a handle on this girl and soon!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:54 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • has this man and his ex both lost their minds ? He needs to explain to the daughter,and possibly even the mother how dangerous this type of behavior can be to her.Maybe take her computer away for a short while,delete her account,and monitor her use very closely.If she does not obey the rules then yes take it away.Until she is old enough to follow the rules
    mamaflower

    Answer by mamaflower at 7:59 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • She should be punished and it needs to happen in BOTH households. I was with a guy who had two kids from a previous marriage and when the kids did something major like this they were grounded from certain things in BOTH households. His mentality is part of the reason children of divorced parents can get away with so much more then kids in married families.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 8:25 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I agree, what she has done is not only dangerous, but dishonest. Facebook has a rule about being under 13 to have an account so she's really going against those rules too. In your situation, I would encourage dad to punish her and to talk to her mom about the dangerous situation she is putting herself in. However, I would not punish her myself, just because you don't need that grief on your head.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:39 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I would be very concerned about what else she is doing on the computer - if she is claiming to be 20 and looking for men???!!!

    Maybe instead of 'punishing' her, he would be willing to keep ALL computers in the house, out where everyone can see what the other is doing. It would be a good example to her and help the entire family be open about what they are doing. It could be a house rule, and not just a punishment for her.
    micheledo

    Answer by micheledo at 8:59 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

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