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2 Bumps

what makes a father (or a mother for that matter) not want to be in their child's life?

answering a question similar to this today has got me thinking about the bio-dad of my oldest. he has never cared that he fathered a child, our child is now 4 and i can count on one hand the number of times he's been around. my child doesn't even know who he is. yet on the other hand, he recently married and had a child with his new wife earlier this year, and he's all about being in that child's life. it makes me sad to think that my daughter has another half-sister running around who she'll probably never meet. in the beginning, i tried everything to get him to come around and he never would so i gave up. luckily, i am married to a man whom i have 2 other beautiful children with and who has stepped up to the plate as father for my oldest. in her eyes, he's daddy and in his eyes she's his daughter, too. i just dont' understand what compels a person to write their own child off? he wouldn't even care if anything bad ever happened to her, because he never thinks to ask how she's doing. it just makes me sad for my daughter, someday she'll know the truth and it will probably break her heart that her bio father just never cared about her. i think i have more sympathy for my neice and more disgust toward my sister in law because she's the same way about her daughter. if she didn't want a child, she should've protected herself or gave her up for adoption on day 1. instead she kept her, treated her like shit and 3 years later gave up her rights to the father, which is probably the best thing for my neice but still, how sad for her. why are so many people out there pro-creating and leaving these children mother/father less!? anyone in a similar situation who can relate?


Asked by tnm786 at 11:32 AM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • When you figure it out, let me know.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:37 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • only thing I could possibly think of would be that its too overwhelming for them and that they aren't mentally ready for it yet.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:33 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Some ppl are just selfish and immature.

    Answer by bseastrand at 11:36 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Very selfish people, they do not have time for anyone but themselves. These people should get fixed!!

    Answer by gammie at 11:38 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I have no idea...I can not relate...but on the same best friend has an ex-from-hell and he is fighting tooth and nail for more visitation of his daughter...he's honestly a piece of shit and this poor little girl kicks and screams and spasms every time she has to go with him. We wish he would just go away and not care. He is a terrible, terrible person...was mentally and physically abusive to my friend...even while she was prego...left bruises on her and stuff...but the court says he gets his daughter unless he murders someone.

    Answer by MommyH2 at 11:39 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I dont know. I have my 6yr old niece, she only knows me as mommy, and my husband as daddy. Her bio-parents are people that we do have to deal with time to time, and she sees them and knows her father (he's my brother, we see him more often, she calls him *Uncle*), but doesnt know WHO they are. It just baffles me. Both her parents have gone on to have other children, that they more or less *stepped up to the plate* for.I, for one, am glad that things are the way they are. I can give her a life neither of them could, and they are missing out on a spectactular child. They did what was best for her, but they both are on my facebook, and neither ever inquire about her, or how she is doing. My brother makes small efforts- he comes to her dance recitals and bday parties and buys her christmas presents, rambling..i'll stop

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 11:46 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • My sister's dad never wanted to be around her but she grew up to be the most stable and wonderful person I know. My dad left when I was five and I'm a basket case. With him not being in her life he may have done her a favor. Some guys don't want to be involved bc they don't get along with the mom. Some men stay away bc the new wife won't let him get involved. Don't let her take it personally.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:47 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Some people only care about what they want!!! Sadly our children get hurt bc of their selfishness

    Answer by JaycesMamma at 11:48 AM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • my dd dad is the same way. he is in a differnt state but never wanted her. he never emails me first to check up on her. he didn;t even want to pay child support. he barely comes to visit and when i am in that state and i let him know he doesn't even make an effort. he has another child who is older and has him all the time but the kid lives up the block from him so its like so much easier. he just likes his life the way it is. i bet he is working on baby number 3 with his girlfriend. lol. that would be a blessing. my little cousin's dad is the same way he never ever even met him. and he is 15now and its so sad when he asked about him. it breaks my heart. but my aunt did the best thing. sometimes they are better off. and my cousin has a wonderful man for a father. just have to make do.

    Answer by lambdarose at 12:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • My cousin has lost custody of all four of her kids. She really does not care. She tried to sell one for cash to her bio father. Btw, all the bio fathers have fought like hell for custody of their kids, trying to gain custody. They all are good fathers as well. She only lost custody after one child(2 years old) had a lodged pacifier down her throat.

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2010