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Am I just crazy, or is this not normal?

I've been with my husband for 4 years, married for 2. My DH has a 9 year old daughter who has lived with us for the past year. He is not on good terms with her mother, but they are civil to each other. My problem MIL hangs out with my husbands ex. They were never married, so the ex is not her actual daughter in law. Both my sister in law (who is 15) and my stepdaughter are always telling me that my DH's ex was at my MIL's house doing this or that, or even spending the night. Sure I understand that they have a history, but my DH and this woman haven't been together for almost 6 years. I'm very hurt by this and have tried explaining to my MIL how much it bothers me. Am I crazy for feeling this way, or is it weird for your MIL to hang out with her son's ex-girlfriend.

EDIT: I guess I should also tell you that DH's ex has stolen from both my DH and his parents. Her father kicked her out a couple years ago (she's 30), so she moved in with her mother. Her mother then kicked her out. So now she lives with her current BF's mother. She works at a bar as a shot girl, and leaves her 2 year old with friends without even telling them first. She's not very....stable.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think that you may just be feeling rightfully a tad insecure about the situation. Totally understandable. I think it's great you've expressed your feelings with your MIL. I think what you really need is to find a way for you to bond with your MIL. Find something you both have in common. Start inviting her to lunch once a month or so. Build your relationship with her.

    You'll probably never be able to come in between their relationship. I think it's important not to try, but rather to build your own relationship with her.It might be a good thing that they're on such good terms too, for the children or child. :D See the perks.

    Good luck I hope you're able to build your relationship with your MIL!

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • They have a child that ties them I don't see a problem unless of course you are insecure.

    Answer by older at 12:23 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • i will feel the same way as u ! bcuz if they havent been together for over 6 years its no need for her 2 be stayin the night at my MIL house
    ! and your stepdaughter and both of your SIL must feel some type of way about it also bcuz they wouldnt have said nutthin to you bout it !

    Answer by mrzshanteb23 at 12:26 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Sounds like the girls know that it bothers you. I would just say, "Isn't that nice" and not be upset by it. Whether your DH and she were married or not, they have a child together. I think it's good that they are having a civil relationship. Be mature about this, it doesn't mean you are any less in affection because of it.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 12:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I would be hurt as well. If it bothers your DH and yourself, your family should respect his opinion/wishes. It seems that there are a serious lack of boundaries with his family, being civil is one thing, hanging out and doing things is something completely different. I'm so sorry you are stuck in the middle on this.

    Answer by Scuba at 12:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • @Skepticchick, My MIL and I do have a pretty good relationship. We get along very well, and I see her quite a bit when I'm at her house picking up my SIL. I do a LOT with my SIL because she hates being home when both of her parents are drunk (which is more often than not).

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:42 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Sorry need to get over. She will forever be a part of your lives. She has every right to be around her daughters grandma. Plus it isn't your business or say on who you MIL hangs with. It's their choice not yours

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:47 PM on Dec. 14, 2010