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advice on changing sons abusive ways non judgemental please adult content

my son is adhd w/ learning dissabilities never tested him for autism due to not wanting him labled in society. ever since he was little he showed signs of aggression. he didnt start talking till age three and learned to walk at2and a half yrs. now he is 11 and alot stronger. he still bites me and yells at me when i dont give him his way. he hits me less now only like 4-5 times a month but has become more mentally abusive. hes on concerta 54mg. yesterday he said "when your ready to accept my apology you know where to find me" he also likes to twist things around if i tell him no he screams its cause u hate me or its cause you are trying to ruin my life. sometimes he hits himself and says are u happy now look what you made me do. he sees a counsoler 3 times a week since age 3 but it doesnt help. I do not believe in corporal punishment. any suggestions on how to help him would be helpful. will never spank so please dont suggest that. (i also take hime to his pediatrician every 3 months)

 
alwayslost93

Asked by alwayslost93 at 12:38 PM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (38 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • I am familier with all this , i feel for you ,may i suggest----
    any behaviour thats negative -- say to him ''do we '' hit - or do we say that or do we whatever it is followed with a short reason why not and walk away ,
    it seems somewhat his behaviour is to get a reaction from you or whoever , show only love and patience --if you dont already , i think he needs to learn or relearn --quiet , calm , hugs , just you and him time-- get down on the floor and play with him keeping your eyes on him so he knows it
    has he taken the med. risperdal it really can LEVEL OUT MOODS and ease his frustration--never forget all this is worse for himself more than anyone else
    is he bullied at school or in the neighborhood or anywhere , and if you dont already know-- alot of schools say they see no bullying so you have to go see for yourself , and talk with him nonshallantly to think about his answers if it seems so.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 1:02 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • DO NOT SPANK HIM OR BITE HIM BACK!!! Jeeze, some people just amaze me. He is already violent, she wants him to STOP. By spanking or biting back he will only learn that it is ok to do so. He needs to be in counseling to learn how to control his anger and behaviors. He needs to be re-evaluated to see if his diagnosis are correct and to get behavioral counseling, he does NOT need to be spanked. Not only is he too old but it would make the situation worse.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:58 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • It sounds like you've got a start on getting things under control, with the counselor and the doctor involvement. But ultimately, if you want to see improvement, you'll have to be consistent with rules, expectations, and consequences. It's not about others or about meds - it's about you teaching him how to self-regulate. It's about punishing negative behaviors are reinforcing positive behaviors.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 12:42 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I would put him in a school,that deal with this kind of thing and let them guide you.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:44 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • You really need to seek the help of a few different professionals to help him sort things out and modify his behavior, to help you understand, and to keep you strong and focused. Don't try to do it yourself, it will blow up in your face if it hasn't already! Good luck!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:48 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • BITE HIM BACK. Damn. Why let your 11 year old treat you like that? Bite him back and show him how it feels.

    If you won't spank (which it might actually help in this situation)... then take his things away. If he keeps it up, take everything but his bed out and make him gain it all back with respect.
    Gremlyn1980

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 12:50 PM on Dec. 14, 2010