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4 Bumps

Shouldn't a SAHM take care of the house and chores?

My nephew just got married on Sunday Dec 12. I do not like his wife. I have several reasons that I don't like her to do with her being married when her and my nephew got together and that they don't know if the oldest child is even his. My main issue with C is that she is a stay-at-home mom. My nephew D is working full-time and yet when he comes home she expects him to take care of the kids, cook, wash the dishes, help clean up the house, etc. The only thing she does is wash the clothes! IMO when you are a SAHM that is your job. If the other person is the only one working and making money- then it is your job to take care of the house and all.

When I was married we did foster care and I was a SAHM for 3 kids ranging in age from newborn up to 5. I did the cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, washing clothes, taking care of the kids, etc. His only job was taking the trash out. He would help with baths some nights, but he said he wanted to help with that.

Isn't that they way it should be? If C worked too, it would be different, but she does not work, she sits at home all day and then expects D to do everything after working a full time shift. I would really like some other moms opinions on this. Oh, by the way, they have 2 kids, an 18 month old and a 1 month old.


Asked by Tawneekitn at 2:31 PM on Dec. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,671 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • Things have changed a lot. Duties are not so cut and dry. My opinion is yours in addition to keeping the yard up. That way any time that hubby has off can just be family time. I would say that 90 percent of my friends do not look at the division of duties the same way.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:33 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • She is not a slave. While she should do her best to get it all done, her being home all day does not exempt him from helping out when he gets home. After all, her 'job' of raising kids doesn't stop when he gets home does it?
    There is nothing wrong with him doing some dishes or taking care of the kids so she can have some time for herself, just like she should do for him.

    Now with that said, I am sure that he agreed to live like this and if he isn't making her change, that is his business, not yours.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • 2 babies in diapers..... she must be exhausted. I am sure she's a little overwhelmed and it sounds like he's understanding and happy to help. Their roles will develop more over time.

    I am a SAHM (although I receive disability payments) and my husband works FT. I have lifting and bending limitations and I do what I can and he picks up the slack. 2 babies must be rough.... I assume she does the laundry while they nap

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:35 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • How people manage thier families and households is thier business.

    It takes enough time and energy for me to manage mine that i don't spend a lot of time worrying about "fair" division of labor in someone elses house.

    Answer by UpSheRises at 2:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Your nephew's wife is a lazy bum. Thread over.

    Answer by makelineerror at 2:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • As a SAHM, I do take care of the household chores, however, I have 3 kids and my oldest is involved in tons of athletics and my 2 youngest are 3 and 20mo. So I do ALOT of running. I have to be organized but that also doesn't mean that I don't expect some help from my hubby either. Especially if we have a particularly busy week. But to be at home and ONLY be doing laundry. I can safely say my husband would be pissed! And my house would be a disaster!

    Answer by ditchen4 at 2:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • well shouldnt SAHM get a break every once in a while?Plus it take TWO people to make children so it should be TWO people to help take care of the kids. As a SAHM I wish I can get a break I havent had a break in over 3 years, My job is 24/7 365 days a year. SAHM deserves breaks and deserves to have some help every once in a while

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:33 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Well....having 2 babies takes alot out of you,especially a really NEWborn!
    How do you know what she does or doesn't do,is he coming and bitching to the family?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • without reading the rest of your question i say yes that sahm's should take care of what she can while she's home all day, but the kids are the priority so whatever she doesn't get done is tough shit. the kids come first. i keep the house clean but there are times when he comes home with toys strewn across the floor and dinner not ready yet. it happens. and i dont expect him to do anything but obviously help me take care of OUR children when he gets home, the trash and the yard.

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:36 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • BTW I think you need to stay out of this and worry about your own life. You're not in their house so you don't know how it runs. You just hear from you nephew and what he says. For all you know he could be lying

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:36 PM on Dec. 14, 2010