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my daughter isnt allowed to go back to school till february 2011,the only thing she will be able to do is homework packets. I thought about making her go to a new school,but then the problems would just follow her there. She is getting into trouble for swearing at school and other things,I can't get her attitude to change, it seems she tried really hard to get her homework caught up and most of the time she gets a's and b's. I need to figure out how to mellow her out. I also don't know what to do the whole two months she will be out of school I think its way to long and I also think she is gonna fall way behind. They feel doing this will make her a new person and as a parent I'm supppose to make her miserable here at home. She also signed a contract that stated she would be a model student,however this hasnt happened some of it she says is because she cant open her locker,the teachers and principle call it bs and just an excuse. Another is she supposedly said the f bomb. They say she has a really bad attitude and isnt changing. I really need good advice and it helps from moms of teens that have been there and know what I can do. Right now my daughter feels like things will never change and that the teachers will alwasy be after her. As a mom I dont know what I can do to help my daughter.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • Have you thought about cyber school? At least this way she will not fall behind in her course work. I would also recommend going to therapy for both your daughter and your family. What dicipline is your daughter getting at home? If we don't have set rules and consequences for our children from the time they are young, they will not know how to behave in society.

    Answer by lvncntry at 2:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • she isnt allowed to see friends,thats one consequence,she has the consequence of not being able to go to school and now she has lost her orchestra she wont be able to play the violin anymore. I dont know what other consequences I can use that are effective. I was gonna empty out her room but I dont want to do that for one we dont have a storage unit or the money to get one. I can't beat her. I wish I could spank her butt,but thats exhausting. I'm gonna go try therapy and counseling.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:11 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I do disagree with the thought of making her miserable at home. Our children should always feel loved in their own home. But it does sound like she is acting out. I don't know that spanking her at this time in her life is gonna help. I do think that therapy and counseling for all of you will help. It will help her understand the boundaries and it will also help you and your family to learn how to deal with the problems that arise. What help has the school offered? There are programs in most schools to help students and families in alot of these situations. Has your daughter given you an actual answer as to why she is cussing and acting out? And the teachers don't like me is not an excuse.

    Answer by lvncntry at 3:26 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • If the school kicked her out for 2 months, I would DEMAND that they provide a tutor to keep her on track. I definatley agree with the counseling. There could be an issue there that needs behavioral counseling to overcome or control. I would NOT make life at home miserable. She is already away from school, orchestra and her friends. Home should be a place of love, support and safety. I would look into e-school for her because the teachers and school will NEVER give her another chance. Her behavior will always follow her.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:11 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • they will let her work on packets and she will be able to see a teacher once or twice a week and they said in order for her to return she needs to have a c+ grade. They said she could go to another school but they would have to talk with the school district and the school she would attend and chances are they said their would be altercations thier as well and that they would of course have a record of everything. I'm going crazy trying to figure out what to do with her,I would love it if the school district could provide school online then at least she could stay on course with her other peers in her classes. But they are using this as a punishment to hopefully change her attitude and right now my daughter is defiant about ever going back to that school. I'll tell you another thing going on,I was told by a girl thats my daughters friend she said theirs really bad rumors going around at school,they explicit rumors.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:58 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • lvncntry,she called a girl a bitch because the girl was saying ewwwww to her and other nasty words. The teacher claims she heard her say the f bomb my daughter said she didnt that she said fudge. She supposedly is late again to her classes and teachers have to chase her to her class,I would like to see proof of that myself but dont think theirs a chance. Some kid that use to like my daughter is claming that he's get beat up by her and being picked on,my daughter swear sshe isnt doing that. I've asked my daughter to be honest with me I feel she is being honest but just not 100% of the time.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:02 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Has the school done anything to address this problem themselves or have they just kicked her out for two months? You & your child have rights! Did the school do a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA)? Does the school have a Behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP) in place? A BIP is developed from the FBA and is a written set of behavioral guidelines for the school staff on how to respond to specified inappropriate behaviors and, if necessary, de-escalate a situation to prevent increased behaviors. A BIP is not just enforcing school rules & punishements, rather it is a list of constructive ways to deal with a student's specific behaviors that every teacher of that student should be aware of so that expectations & responses to behaviors are consistent among all staff members. The BIP should be implemented at home as well, so that everyone is on the same page & your child gets a consistent message.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 10:22 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • This has therapy all over it. She needs to talk to someone. You need to find out why she thinks it is acceptabel ever to swear and act up in school? 2 months seems extreme for just swearing, I think there is more than that going on. I would for sure take her to talk to a child psychologist. Find out what is going on. In the meantime, love her, but no extra's, no phone, friends etc for a bit. I think this is a cry for help and you as her mom need to provide it.

    Answer by salexander at 12:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • The packets and seeing teachers twice a week sounds exactly like how my daughter's school works. It's called "Independent Study" and is a "Magnet" school. In my daughter's case it was voluntary; she was failing at high school and getting further behind. She asked me if she could try this program and I said yes. Now she works at her own pace and is responsible for her own work. I'm really proud of her for making such an adult decision, finding a solution to her problem and turning herself around. Now she get's A's and B's. She probably wont graduate with her twin brother in the summer, but she will graduate. life is not a race.
    If your daughter hates school, and you can find a program like this where you live, I highly recommend it.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:12 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I think two months is way too long for her to be out of school. I'm going to talk to the school district to see what I can do.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:06 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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