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help! how to get my adult daughter to move out with her two kids

My daughter is going through a divorce; she has two kids under 4. She has a good job; but she is so bad with her money. she says she wants to move out, but I don't see her really trying to get her own place. I watch the kids while she works. I am exhausted. I have raised 5 kids and still have one at home. She doesn't help with cleaning or bills. I am at the end of my rope. I can't even handle watching my grandbabies anymore. I feel like I have helped enable her behaviors. I didn’t really force bill paying or chores on her. I thought I was being supportive to her with all she was going through. I have noticed I don’t have as much energy to do all I was doing. I have asked her to help out more, she says she will, but she doesn’t. I end up doing it to keep my husband from getting so upset. I want her to move out on good terms, I love her very much and want to help her, but I feel almost empty and unable to do anymore now.

 
noname1967

Asked by noname1967 at 3:12 PM on Dec. 14, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (56 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Aw. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Yes, many unsuspecting and well-meaning mothers enable their kids without even realizing they are doing it. It's part of a mom's nurturing nature. But, now it's time for the mama bird to let her baby earn her wings and fly the coop. I would sit down with your daughter. Explain everything to her calmly and give her a set date that you feel comfortable with regarding the move. Let her know that you are TIRED. You have raised a very large family, and you need time to enjoy for yourself. You are not selfish for asking this so don't feel guilty! She is an adult and needs to learn money management skills. Tell her you will help her figure out her expenses, or even go with her to talk to a financial planner for tips. Good luck.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 5:59 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Tell her she needs to start paying you rent. Use half of it for bills the other half you save for her to pay deposits but don't tell her that you are doing that. Give her a move out date.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • rental agreement. if she isn't paying you rent, there should be chore expectations. if she wants to go out on a friday night and you watched them all day, she needs a sitter. also a goal or end date (move out date) should be negotiated ASAP

    good luck
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 3:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Write up a rent contract and make her sign it for paying rent and utilities. And make stipulations for chores in the contract and a deadline to move out.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 3:21 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • I would tell her the amount of rent you want and what chores you expect of her. Write it out if you'd like but also be firm on saying that if she doesn't start doing these things that you've asked, that you will give her 30 days to find a place and move out. That way, you are being fair, but firm.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 3:26 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • Tell her what you wrote here. She may not realize what a burden she is placing on you. Talk to her, let her know how you feel.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 4:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2010

  • You need to be hard on her. Give her a 30 day notice. Tell her if she isnt out in 30 days you'll have the police escort her out. I know it's harsh but she is really using you and she needs to grow and realize she cant rely on mommy for ever
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:16 PM on Dec. 14, 2010