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Should i let him take care of me?

ok i left my xh in January. since then i have been working and just tending to my kids. i met a new man about 7 months ago...but we did not start dating till september. He is a good guy. and is always wanting to help me. i always tell him no. he wants to take me and thekids out to eat. he says he wants to take care of me. the other day even my work shoes had been duct taped together and he made me (i put up a fight) let him buy me a new pair. my question is everytime i let him do these things i feel bad. should i let him pay when we go out? should i let him take care of me? if so to what extent? i am a very independent stuborn girl. maybe that is y it bothers me.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Take care of yourself. But if he wants to dote on you let him. Tell him that too. Tell him you're very independant but you'll allow some sweet doting. You deserve it!! And don't feel bad. A lot of men feel good when they do that kind of stuff for a woman. My hubby bought me a new computer game yesterday and he was as pleased with himself (and my reaction) as I was. I don't know if he loves you but at least let him "like" you!!!

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 6:38 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • with money comes power and with power comes control. If the man wants to show kindness, that's fine but be careful of his motives. Don't give up your independence. Always be able to maintain your own household if he should pull the rug out from under your feet or try to take over and control you and your family.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:11 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Sometimes, you can let a person help you because they genuinely want to help. As for taking care of you? That's kinda scary. Don't let him take care of you, you do that yourself.

    The shoe thing was a good thing for him to do, an occasional dinner or a movie is a nice gesture as long as he expects nothing in return and has no ulterior motives.

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 6:15 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Men like that can sometimes be very controlling. Only except the help ans long as you are sure that there will be no strings attached. Independence is very attractive to most men. Don't let him manipulate you into giving up your power to him.

    Answer by amydh at 6:16 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I never realy thought of it that way. i have my own place it is just myself and my kids living here. he has mentioned wanting to live with me after we went almost a week with out seeing each other due to conflicting work schedules. i told him i wasnt sure . he told me to think about it and to tell him the next day. the next day i didnt even have to answer he knew i was going to say he said i can tell ur not ready it is ok. i will wait. and let me know when ur ready. i duno if he is the controling type. he "seems" like a good guy. but then again so did my xh.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Just be careful how much you let him do. It's one thing to have someone help you once in a while but if you let him take care of everything, it's like letting him control your life.
    Be safe

    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 6:19 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • i almost always tell him no. mainly because when i left xh i was at a loss. like " ok now what do i do" so since then i have decided to take care of myself and my kids myself. this is the first relationship i have been in since then. i duno if he is jsut wanting to help . i mean he know my money goes to my kids. almost all of it. i mean they are dressed in new clothes and new shoes. while for example my work shows were duct taped together. if he truely is a "trying to control me" what other signs should i look for?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • he does bring me flowers like once a week. maybe it is just that. his way of showing he cares. maybe he is just wording it wrong?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Lol since when are men good at wording anything? Let alone feelings and such? Sounds like he really likes you and is trying hard to please you.

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 6:52 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • ya true. i think he is too. i am just very cautious when it comes to these things. he is such a good guy i find myself looking for something wrong. i duno. maybe good guys do exits? lol.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Nov. 7, 2008