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worried

My twins dad has never been a part of their lives and now that they are 8, he's decided he wants custody and had the judge give him Thanksgiving weekend. Before then, one of them always said he wanted to go live with dad whenever he didn't get his way or got in trouble. Ever since that 4 day weekend, anytime his dad is mentioned, he gets upset, tearful and avoids talking about him. He doesn't want to see him or talk to him, while his twin flat out tells their dad he doesn't want to see him ever again. How do I find out what happened that weekend? Neither one wants to talk about it. If something bad happened I want to know so I can keep them from going through it again. It really worries me and my DF, since they've had behavior changes.

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sweet29mom

Asked by sweet29mom at 3:47 AM on Dec. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,093 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Ask them in a round about way. If they aren't directly asked then maybe it will come out easier. Or let them know you want what is best for them and if they don't want to go back with him then they should tell you what happened so they don't have to.
    dbodani

    Answer by dbodani at 3:49 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • U can just ask the father an tell him if he wont tell you than you will see that the judge hears about it an if you dont believe him you should try taking the boys out for a fun day an ask them 1 question see what they say than ask them later on and see if there answers ,match try asking them separately so they wont be so worried
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 4:12 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Maybe have a relative the kids love ask them...you know. Someome you both trust and they may feel easier to say what happen. Ask the father what did you do to them? Try telling your kids that it is important to tell momy if someone is saying naughty words, touching, or hitting you. And tell them it's not okay and not to be afraid cause you will love them. That is odd they would act that way.
    Jazmineamomma

    Answer by Jazmineamomma at 5:17 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Is there anyone else they are close to that could talk with them?
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:41 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Do you have a good relationship with the school counselor? Perhaps having someone else not involved in the situation would help them open up. You may want to let them know if they were threatened (for example, if you tell your mom I spanked you it will be worse) you have to let them know you are there to protect them and that if they were hurt, yelled at or frightened they have to tell you so you can protect them. If the court is involved, request a guardian at litem (sp) to get involved. The safety and happiness of your children come first!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:15 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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