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3 Bumps

For Those Who Responded To Wow--How Would You React

Yesterday I posted this question and I really appreciate everybody's advice and I thought you might like to know how things progressed. 

My friend called me last night to ask if his friend had called me yet.  I said "No, but that doesn't really surprise me given what you told him about me when I accidentally overheard your conversation!"  He was silent for a second, then said "How much did you hear?"  I told him I heard him tell the guy that I wasn't hot or even pretty and even though he did describe me as funny and smart, did he really think his friend was going to call me when he doesn't even describe me as pretty and he's supposed to be my friend?

This was his response:  "I'm sorry, but I couldn't lie to the guy, he's my friend!"  I applied some of the advice people here suggested and said "Maybe you don't think I'm pretty, but maybe this guy would have!  Now we'll never know, will we?  Because he's not going to call me thanks to you!"

Then I asked him point-blank why he described me that way.  I know, I was asking for it, but I just had to know.  He said:

"Sweetie, you're so sweet and funny and smart, but you're also overweight and flat-chested, you wear glasses, you're just not what people would call pretty!  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said, you're right, maybe he would have thought you were pretty anyway."

I'm mad and sad right now.  I really don't know what to do now.  Part of me wants to hide forever, and part of me wants to diet and get skinny and get contacts and a boob job and show everyone!

 

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Go with the part of you who wants to get skinny and better yourself.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:27 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You have a very good friend in this person. He told you the truth (as he sees it), he didn't try to lie his way out of what he said. Everyone has their own idea of beauty - I know guys that only date fluffier women, and some guys that like little stick women without any curves at all. The most important thing is that you're comfortable in your own skin, confident in yourself. If you want to do something to enhance your appearance, do it - but do it for you, not to prove anything to anybody. Hugs to you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:28 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • awww..i didn't post yesterday..but thats so dang mean! He shouldve let the guy decide for himself. Guys are so shallow. I wouldnt want any guy like that..all they care about is looks. Him saying that to me would motivate me to get a makeover and rub it all in his face...i would really make the guy who said this want me.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:29 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I don't like either of those options. My advice is to continue to be yourself and to not let the opinions of some guy, who is obviously very shallow, make you ashamed of who you are. Of course, you can devote yourself to being the best you can be, but make it the best you that you want to be, and not what somebody else things would be the best you.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:33 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • He knows this friend andyou said the guy kept asking about your looks. How much fun would the date have been if you where on it with a guy that was obviously not into youbased off looks alone? Just look at it as your friend doing you a favor. If you want to diet and get thinner than do it, but don't do it just out of anger.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:05 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Don't let any man tell you how to look or act dump him now!
    4realyall

    Answer by 4realyall at 9:06 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I don't know how overweight you are, but I never assume someone is just because a guy says so. He was wrong to assume his friend wouldn't find you attractive and he should have let him meet you without saying anything.
    He may be your friend and maybe his heart was in the right place, but I prefer friends with a liitle compassion and tact...and he was just mean to you. If that is what bothers you, you should talk to him about it.
    Otherwise, don't change yourself unless you want to.
    The first poster is wrong IMO (older)
    Besides, "skinny" means bones and no fat...aim for healthy!
    boomamma

    Answer by boomamma at 9:30 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • simple frownAww hon. I'm so sorry. Your questions broke my heart! If you want to improve yourself,do it for YOU. If you can get your confidence back,Mr. Right will come to you. Your so-called friend seems like a pretty shallow person.

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:32 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I don't care how big you are!!! So men are just dicks!!! Like the other ladies said don't loose weight for them do it for yourself!!! But there are men out there who like there women on the thick side!! I'm over 200 lbs and married with 2 daughters!! There is a prince charming out there for you who will love tyou for you and won't want you to change!!!! Good luck hun!!!!
    2prettylittle1s

    Answer by 2prettylittle1s at 9:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Holy toxic friend! Get rid of him. If you are overweight and want to lose some to get healthy or because YOU want to, do it. But here's the thing, are you OVERWEIGHT or are you CURVY? There IS a difference. And some guys would consider curvy to be overweight.
    Your friend should have introduced the two of you and let the guy decide for himself. And what is wrong with wearing glasses?
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 9:41 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

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