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11 year old refuses to clean room???

I have an 11 year old son. Who not only refuses to clean his room. But, will flat out tell me and his father that he will never clean his room...ever!

So, his father told him that if he did not clean his room, that Santa was not coming......and still, he said...."I don't want any presents, cause i'm never cleaning my room"...........

HELP??????????????....Any suggestions???

Thanks Ladies!

Answer Question

Asked by gogogirl79 at 8:32 AM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,967 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • I got a snow shovel and a large plastic trash can and told him if the room wasn't clean within 24-hours, I'd be doing it myself and he wouldn't like how I did it, then I'd leave the tools in plain sight for him to see.

    Yeah...he cleaned it then.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 8:35 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • When my kids rooms aren't clean, they don't get certain privileges; going to friends houses, participating in extracurriculars, using the computer - they may go a few days without having it clean, then they'll ask to do one of those things and I'll say "is your room clean?" They know if it's not then they won't get to do what they want.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:36 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I closed the door and let my children live in their own mess. I decided that I would not let their room messiness be my problem.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You clean it and anything you have to pick up gets pitched. Then all priveliges are restricted until he can learn to clean it on his own. This includes phone time, tv time, time with friends...

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You have to be firm in your consequences or else they won't work, taking away Christmas presents will be a bit harsh, but after that stick to your guns.

    Answer by older at 8:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I was a very messy child.... well into my teens. But I knew where everything was. And I never ever had food or drinks in my room, so it was not a "bad" messy.
    My Mom would go into my room and start throwing things into trash bags when I was at school. I hated her for doing that to me and my privacy!!! This only made me want to be messier and not to ever clean my room.

    Suggestions to try and help:
    1. Offer the consequences (Like "older") by not letting them do certain things til something is done.... like pick up and put away clothes. Start small. Dont give the daunting task of cleaning the WHOLE thing!
    2. Offer a "make over". This worked for my 10 yr old step son. We said that once the room was cleaned up and toys gone through that he no longer played with that we'd go pick out some paint and redo his room.
    3. Offer proper tools for keeping it clean. Does he have a hamper to put dirty clothes into?

    Answer by MrsDAP at 8:49 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Here's the thing, I'm not sure that it is that important. My kids don't really clean their rooms and as a child I never really cleaned mine. I used to get mad and yell at them for not cleaning their rooms. Then I realized that is their space to be who they want to be. I know I'm probably the only mom on her who thinks this way. I don't think he should be able to yell at you and I would address that behavoir. I might also ask him why he doesn't want to clean his room and how he is feeling.

    My kids have to bring their dirty clothes down stairs and they have to put their clean clothes away. If they don't clean their rooms we just shut the door, eventually they get to the point where they want to clean them. I just read a great book called "Get out of my life, but drop me and cheryl at the mall first." Also, don't make idol threats he will see through them. If you say you are going to do something you better do it.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:49 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • CONT
    Does he have enough closet and dresser space to put clothes? Does he have enough shelves or places to put his toys, games and sports stuff???

    The cleaning will come in time, but you cant stress to much.... this will only make him NOT want to clean it even more!

    Answer by MrsDAP at 8:50 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • This is one area that my mom didn't battle with us about. She just made us close our doors. We were also in charge of our own laundry at this point so she didn't even come in for that. When we got tired of looking at that mess then we cleaned our rooms. Right now getting my 2 1/2 yo to clean her room isn't' a battle b/c she likes to put her stuff away, I know that the problem is only a few years away.

    Answer by coala at 8:56 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I expect my almost 4 year old to clean up her room when I ask her to, and it shouldn't be any different with an 11 year old. Some of these responses saying that it isn't a big deal are kind of baffling to me. I guess everyone has their own style of parenting though. It isn't JUST about the mess. it's about respect, discipline, and learning responsibilities. When your parents ask you to do something, YOU DO IT. With my daughter, if she doesn't do what I ask her to do then she is not to have any privileges until it gets done. She tries to turn a cartoon on, NOPE. She tries to go outside to play, NOPE. She tries to get a yummy snack, NOPE. She isn't allowed to do any of these things until she does as she is told. You can do the same with your son. In his case the things he wants to do may be different since he is alot older but the concept is still the same. Good luck and stick to your guns

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:02 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

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