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5 Bumps

Is It Really NOT My Business?

I have a 13 (soon to be 14) year old daughter. She recently started asking me to leave the room at the doctor's office so she could talk to the doctor alone. I can respect her privacy, but I feel like I need to know everything, especially if she has a health concern. What do I do?


Asked by smiles551 at 8:59 AM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 15 (1,859 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • There comes a time when you have to step back and ask yourself if you have done your best. It is hard for us to accept that we have to start letting them grow up. Independence is very important to girls at this age. This is the start of a new stage for her. At this age she is going to drive you nuts. In my state they have the right to see the dr. with out you in the room. It has to do with the privacy laws. I have a very open relationship with my daughter always have. Sometimes she tells me things i dont want to hear but I would not have it any other way. just take to her woman to woman. Let her know that she can talk to you. But be ready for any thing. Dont make her tell you or she will just shut down. If you have a good relationship she will come to you when she is ready. if it is bad just love her all the more hold her close to your heart. You may find it was nothing at all.

    Answer by large2go at 2:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Respect her wishes then go talk to the doctor on your own.

    Answer by older at 8:59 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Respect her wishes. She probably has questions that she is embarrassed to speak with you about, and it's better that's she's getting answers from a professional vs. her friends at school. If there are any tests to be run, or medications, you will know about them because a minor needs her parents consent to treat.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:08 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Just let her time with the doctor be private but, in the mail you will get an Explanation of Benefits and it will tell you everything that went on in the doctors office (tests and things like that) and of course if she get prescriptions you will know because someone has to pay the co pay.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:06 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I would respect her wishes as well. My doctor told me that when my kids get this age I will actually be asked to leave the room. Kids need someone they can talk to and if it is not you then the doctor is the next best person. If it is something major the doctor will talk to you about it. Sadly she is growing up and whats some privacy. It is a very hard thing to handle. I remember as a teenager not telling my parents everything and now that I have teenagers I am like what the heck, why don't you want to share all your secrets with me.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:04 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I would say something along these lines. The fact that you ask me to leave the room, indicates to me perhaps there is something going on with you that is important and therefore important for me as your parent to know. I want you to be assured that if there is a need to discuss matters of sex, birth control, drugs etc. You can come to me, and I will listen and we will handle what ever it is you are going through together. I am not your enemy. Remind her she is a minor, and your insurance company will send you statements, and you will be the one having to fill scripts at her age, so there is only so much she can hide. I think trust is huge at this age. She needs to feel she can say anything and I mean anything to you without you flipping out...even if you have cause or are freaking out on the inside. I have 2 girls 17 and 19. I have always been open. Good luck.

    Answer by salexander at 12:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Respect her wishes. If anything she discusses with the doctor could potentially be harmful, the doctor will let you know.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:12 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • That stinks :(

    I would assume it has to do with sex. Prepare yourself mentally.

    Answer by SamKJones at 9:48 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • It is really hard when they start to want that independence and worrisome as well when you're not entirely sure why they don't want you to know things or what things it is they don't want you to know. I think respecting her privacy is the right thing to do. My son's peditrician started asking me to leave the room when he was about 13. He would ask if I had any concerns about my son's health, I'd let him know what I want them to talk about, he would take it from there, and I'd leave the room. He gave my son his card to call him anytime. My son actually used it twice once to talk about acne and another time about a sports injury. It's not always about sex or drugs. I'd get a highlevel from the dr and ask my son on the way home how it went, sometimes he would tell me and other times I'd get the "nothing" response. Keep your communication open, showing you care and are always there, while allowing the little bit of privacy

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:59 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • At that age, I was embarrased to have my mom in the office while the doctor was examining me. My body was changing in ways I was uncomfortable with myself, and I didn't want my MOM in there with me.
    When my SS's reached that age, I began letting them go in the examine room themselves as well. When the examine was over, the doctor would call me back and talk to me.

    Do you have a good relationship with your child? If so, I would let her go alone. If not, you need to work on that and in building trust between the two of you. Her teen years are only beginning and it will be a rough ride either way, but much rougher if you do not have a good relationship.

    Answer by layh41407 at 12:41 PM on Dec. 18, 2010