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Why? I am just stumped.....

Why would your "friend" not want you to know about their wedding? My Ex (father of my kids) is getting married. I have been friends with his new girlfriend for a couple of years now. Her and I talk on the phone more often than he sees/talks to his kids. So they are getting married and she put it out online that she didn't want me to know they are married. I just don't get it. We have never had any drama over the years. I feel kind of hurt about it. I live far away so it is not like I was going to attend or anything. But why the secret? The only thing I can think of would be a child support angle, like her tax returns would now go to pay his child support (He owes over $20,000 between me and his other ex. Sad but true.). But I wouldn't be the one to activate that the state is. And they do have a marriage certificate which goes to vital records. You know? Can anyone else give me some perspective on why she wouldn't want me to know they are married? What am I missing?

Answer Question
 
Caoimhe_Oona

Asked by Caoimhe_Oona at 11:38 AM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,530 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm pretty sure my ex husband is married, I have heard him slip and many people comment on it... but he says no, even our son says he is.... So I'm stumped with you!
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 11:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Well the answer that you already supplied could be right, but maybe she also was afraid of how you would feel. Even though you two are friends or ok with each other she might still have been worried that you would be hurt or angry. Why don't you just ask her?
    Platinum_Mommy

    Answer by Platinum_Mommy at 11:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Personally, I'd be worried that it would hurt your feelings. Marriage is different than them just dating, so even though that didn't bother you, maybe she felt that marriage would take the big leap into hurt feelings?
    HeartsCombined

    Answer by HeartsCombined at 11:40 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I am happy for them. I am glad they are getting married. I was hurt that she put it online for everyone to keep a secret from me. It made me feel like her "friendship" was just an act. I have been in that circle for over 10 years (friends/family). When she put it up there everyone started asking if I was a "problem" . I don't think it was to spare my feelings, after all I am happily married. And she knows there is no way in hell I would ever want him back!!! Lol.
    Caoimhe_Oona

    Comment by Caoimhe_Oona (original poster) at 11:45 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • maybe she was afraid feelings would resurface? I dunno! Im stumped too?!
    menmy6

    Answer by menmy6 at 11:51 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Un doll, you already know the answer!
    nwaskie

    Answer by nwaskie at 11:58 AM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I would just call and ask her, tell her what you found out, and ask her why she would would do that. It might be an awkward conversation, but at least you can find the truth, not just speculate. Just call and politely ask what the deal was.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 12:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Maybe she felt that it wasn't her business to tell you that she was marrying your ex. Maybe she felt that it was his business to let you know that he's getting married...The two of you have a friendship that you may not have had IF had not been for this man, right? Well, in all truth and honesty, your friendship with this woman is very limited, regardless as to what you may think, she has had her guard up with you. The comments made online proves that something must've been said in the past to make someone state online if you were a "problem".
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:38 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • The past "problem" was when he and I broke up. He went all over town after I moved telling all sorts of lies about me. Saying he had the kids with him all the time and I was just a crack whore. LMAO! You know, he wanted me to look like the bad guy. NONE OF IT WAS TRUE. I was still in contact with most of our friends and they all knew that he had ditched out on his kids for the past 3 years, and they set him straight. That is when he stopped trying to lie about the situation. But some of them I hadn't talked to and those are the ones that bought into his BS. This was all years before they even met and is WAY in the past. Maybe he told her some BS. I don't know. I believe it has to do with the Child Support and taxes. I responded online and asked her what was up politely and I guess he jumped her shit for putting it up there that they were married. HE is apparently the one trying to keep it away from the tax money. LOL. Oh well.
    Caoimhe_Oona

    Comment by Caoimhe_Oona (original poster) at 12:46 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Maybe it would be wierd for her to have her new husbands ex be there.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:54 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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