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2 Bumps

What's the big deal?

with a couple who asks each others permission before doing stuff?

Like I ask my hubby if its okay if I catch lunch with the girls....I ask because for all I know he might have had plans for lunch

My hubby will ask me if I mind if he goes to the gym for an extra hour...for all he knows I want him home for a movie night, or to help around the house instead

We ask each other to make sure it's alright before we up and do anything.

I just asked a Question on CM about if you would let your hubby attend a Bachelor Party if you knew there would be strippers, I had a bunch of wild CMers accusing me of trying to be his mom, freaking out, etc.

I wasn't aware that asking for your spouses "go ahead" was an issue, It's the way we operate. Does anyone else do this? Or are we the minority of couples?


Asked by DomoniqueWS at 12:33 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • Me and my SO ask each other stuff like that all the time. To us its a sign of respect that you ask ones opinion and include them in things. and it also allows us to make sure the other person isn't busy or have other plans. If you show respect and consideration for the little things alot of times you get it back and things go more smooth in the relationship i think.

    Answer by iluvmymomasboys at 1:03 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I always check with my husband before I make plans, not because I want his permission, but just so he and I are on the same page.

    Answer by missanc at 12:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I didn't read your other post, but there really is nothing wrong with you both asking, as long as that's your communication style.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I think it is great. It is good communication. My DH gets upset when I call him to ask where he is. I mean when he doesn't show up and it is 3 hours after he gets off work I get worried. How do I know he didn't get in a wreck or drive off a cliff? I WISH he would just inform me. Lol. He would almost alway have my go ahead. =o)

    Answer by Caoimhe_Oona at 12:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • i dont see the big deal either.. other moms are sooo touchy i hate it .. ive never met soo many rudely opinionated catty girls in my life except on cm... its okay dont let it bother you.. i would be bothered if my husband would go to a bachlor party too.. but im trying to trust my dh .. i guess i wouldnt mind if he went .. whats the worse that could happen .. but i can see where your coming from

    Answer by Luckyme3487 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Well, I don't check with my husband on everything, but if it's something that I know he'd like to know about, I discuss it with him always, and vice versa. That's what a marriage is about...communicating. Without communication, a marriage will fail, IMO.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree you have asked this question a lot. If that is the way you work then be happy about it. If you really don't want him going then tell him. I don't always ask my hubby to do things. During the day he is at work and I am home . If I want to go out for luch or for coffee with friends, I go and I don't ask him. If I am going to go out on a Friday night with Friends then I make sure it is okay.

    I think we all do whatever is best for our relationship.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 12:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Because "would you let" implies that you would think about Not Letting, instead of "would you mind." Letting implies that you have a final say in someone else's action like "letting your kid have a sleep over."

    I check in with DH and he with me to make sure that other plans are not in play. It is different that saying "I don't want you to go" for no reason other than I disapprove.

    I might not enjoy the idea of DH going to a strip club, but I would not object or not let him go. I would tell him I thought it was gross, but if he wants, go right ahead.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:42 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I think there is a difference between asking permission and letting the other person know your plans to see if they have conflicting plans or something like that. I didn't see your other question, but "allowing" your spouse to go to a bachelor party with strippers is different than just checking to see if the other person has plans.

    I have "asked" my SO about going out with friends, but it was not asking for permission, but rather letting him know my plans, if he had anything going on, etc, before I confirmed with my friends. I do that out of respect for him and his time, but not to request permission, and vice versa.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 12:48 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • If your dh has to get your permission to attend anything, why does it matter if someone on this board disagrees? If that's the way your marriage thrives then you have every right to have your dh get your permission before he does anything....In my marriage my husband and I communicate about what we're doing. I don't ask his permission and he doesn't ask mine, we communicate to one another our plans because that's how our marriage works. My husband has gone to bachelor parties and Christmas parties without me and I could careless because I'm confident in my marriage and within myself to know that my husband loves me and whatever is out there "he's" the one in control of being respectful to "me" his "wife".

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2010