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My 12 year old is having discipline and behavior issues. He doesnt respect me when talking. Any suggestion or any good book to read

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MOMOFTWEEN12

Asked by MOMOFTWEEN12 at 1:38 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I had to look to make sure I didnt post this. What works for us is he has zero privledges to start with and must earn them. So if he wants tv he has to do his chores and be nice. If he wants computer time he has to do something to earn it. If he doesnt listen then he loses privledges and if he does it again the same night he gets 1/2 hour shaved off his bed time. This things work for him since he really likes tv and pc time.........
    navyjen

    Answer by navyjen at 1:42 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I'm not sure what type of issues you're having, but I did find the book "7 things your teens won't tell you and how to talk about them" very helpful. The books talks about three rules that I have adapted in my house and they pretty much cover everything... "Show Respect, Stay Safe, Keep In Touch" It gives examples on how to talk about particular situations and how to difuse arguments.
    For me it worked wonders, these are the only rules I have in my house and they work. The arguments are at a minimum with exceptions (we all have bad days), we talk about all kinds of things. My boys like to talk about real life examples that fit into those rules. Its amazing to me how eye opening that is to them, that they can see every day examples that impact them and those rules. I recommend talking, negotiating, consequences and follow through.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:00 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Oh the other thing I did when I was starting to have some issues with my now 16 yr old, was have a very deep heart to heart conversation about his actions, choices and behaviors were effecting me. How hurtful it was for him to talk to me a certain way or how how sad it made me to see him going in a direction that I felt was unsafe....I cried too...boys don't like to see their mom's cry. :) The tears were sincere though, and I shared my biggest fears with them as a mother. Since the heart to heart and the new rules we haven't had any issues, I never really had issues with my kids but this certainly made life easier.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:04 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I highly recommend Love & Logic. There are a lot of Love & Logic books to choose from, but the best place to start might be with the basic L&L book for older kids and teens. GL!
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:22 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • A lot of this behavior has to be stopped from the beginning, nip it quick. Just because children get older doesn't mean all rules go out the window, and just because hormones kick in doesn't mean it is a pass to do whatever they want. I would take everything away and show him who "ownes the house". My boys know they are lucky to have the things they do and that they can be taken away if attitudes are not checked! Having nice things and the privelage to watch TV or play a video game is a gift not a right.
    happychic

    Answer by happychic at 2:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • What have you tried that hasn't worked?
    Iamasinglemom99

    Answer by Iamasinglemom99 at 1:35 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • Try, "Lots of love and a spanking" ,then report back.
    strictgram

    Answer by strictgram at 2:27 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • "Bringing up boys" by Dr. James Dobson, or "The 5 Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman... Hope this helps! GL!
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 4:26 PM on Dec. 18, 2010

  • What have you been doing discipline wise for the past 9 years?
    strictgram

    Answer by strictgram at 2:11 PM on Oct. 19, 2013

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