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3 Bumps

My sister and my mother hate my husband

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. Right before my wedding he lost his job and has not been employed since. To put it mildly this was not a great way to start a marriage and definitley questioned whether I had made the right choice in marriage. During that time, my husband and I had a huge fight and I made the mistake of calling my sister and mother who in turn called my husband. Angry words were exchanged between the 3 parties but in the end I reconciled with my husband.
A year later, my mother and sister behave as my husband does not exist. They want me to visit them without him and have out right refused to visit us if he is home. We are now looking forward to starting a family and I need my family to support me and forgive my husband.
What do I do?

Answer Question
 
bjr3223

Asked by bjr3223 at 1:51 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You want to start a family when he isn't employed? I'm starting to see why your family doesn't approve.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Stand up for your hubby. Tell your mother and sister that they don't have to like your husband, but they need to acknowledge that you do love him, and he is your family too. Maybe you should all go out to dinner and try to overcome the hard feelings.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 1:53 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Well, that's a tough one. I would sit your mom and sister down and say you are asking for their support for your future family and although they may not like your husband, it won't work with children to come for your family to be seperated this way. Is your husband a good guy or what was said that bad where they hate him THIS much still?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:54 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Hate to say it but sounds like your dh is going to have to prove to them that they are wrong. 2 1/2 years without any kind of job and I'm assuming you are supporting him does not come across good to mommy's. You will always be her little girl and she will always expect the man you married to support you. Does he help around the house when you're working? Is he job hunting? Going to school to upgrade his skills? If all he's doing is staying home or out with the guys then I'd say you really need to wait on starting a family.

    Just as you love him so does your mom & sister love you and they want to see you being loved and supported by the man you married.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 2:04 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • in this house it was me that my family and his didn't like ,because out spoken and speak my mind ,well there was time we went our own ways but due i was having other child we got back together now his family had call me ever dirty word they new and some they made up
    but we stay together now 31yrs later i still get dirty looks and move on you have do the same
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 2:15 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Is he a deadbeat husband? I need an honest answer to that before I can really comment. If he is, don't start a family. If he is not (although, if he hasn't earned a dime in 2.5 years I'm not sure how he can't be....but I digress) you need to tell your sister and mother that you are a package deal and you won't be visiting anymore until they work it out. Again, if he is not a deadbeat husband, he is your priority, he is your family now, he is the one you should stand behind. Caving in to their demands by just seeing your mom and sister on the side is extremely disrespectful to your marriage. By doing that you are telling them that it is ok to treat your husband this way, and it is not.

    Has your husband made any effort to make things right with them? Did he apologize for his part in the fight? Because on the flip side here, he is also disrespecting YOU by not making an effort to make things right with them also.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree with some of the others. If he hasn't worked for 2 years, do you really want to have a child with him. If he can't even as much as get a job, how much help will you get from him as a dad? If you still want to stick with them though, tell them if they can't approve of him then they wouldn't have you either. I have been in that situation. That is what I did, they didn't like it. We see each other now, just not as much as I would like. Good luck
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 2:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • PLEASE dont even contemplate having children until he has a job. The situation you are in will NOT get better.
    If he hasnt had a job in 2.5 yrs honey he doesnt want a job period.
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 2:50 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Why has he not worked in 2 years?
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:51 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • sarcasmi agree with your mom and sister.... if my sister's hubby hasnt worked in over 2 years i would not be able to stand him either. no matter how "sweet" of a personality he's got.

    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 9:47 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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