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3 Bumps

For anyone who has had a cheating husband?

I found out my husband was cheating when I got the cell phone bill in and checked his phone on Monday. I kicked him out. He came back that night because we have 3 kids who were traumatized and so I said we would try to work it out. I feel so stupid because I always said I would leave if he cheated on me. But we have been together 10 years next month and I can't pay all the bills by myself even with child support. Anyway, I texted the girlfriend today (shes works with him) and she said that they had been getting high together and thats when they did it. She also informed me that he made the 1st move and even supplied the condom. We don't use condoms. I called him at work just now and ask why he didn't tell me this. I told him if we were gonna work it out to tell me everything on Monday and he still lied. He knows that I am not ok with smoking pot either. And to know that he went out and bought it special lets me know it was completely planned. He had tried tp tell me it just happened. I told him not to come home tonight. But I don't know what to do. I still love him I just can't trust him anymore. And I know it will kill my kids and I can't pay all the bills. But he still lied. He said you found the rolling papers in my jacket there not mine I said no, I talked to your girlfriend. He was in shock and tried to act like she was just making up crap because I threatened to kick her a**. But sure enough there they were in his jacket 2 packs in fact. What do I do? I don't want to be stupid and let him stay but I don't want to hurt my kids and like I said I do still love him I just don't trust him. I honestly never thought beforehand I would even consider letting him stay but I don't know what to do.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Honey first off, I am so sorry about all of this. You have to be hurting a lot and I really hope you have friends and family you can talk with as well. After investing 10 years together, this is not just some boyfriend/girlfriend i'm dumping you situation. This is a marriage and not something you should just completely dump, especially with the kids too. You are going to get a lot of responses telling you to just leave him and kick him out but only you know your marriage. I don't want to write a novel (nor do I have the space) but if you wanna chat, please feel free and we can talk...
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 3:34 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • IMO the only way that the two of you could possibly stay together ..without him cheating again...would be if he is willing to tell you all that you want to know ..he is remorseful..and understands your lack of trust and that it will take time for you to ever trust him again and he'd have to work to regain your trust.It can work out but it is FAR from easy..once the trust is lost it is soooooo difficult to get back and there will be the bad days because of what he has done.Personally,I wouldn't want to know every little detail of his escapade with this other woman but he should be willing to tell you all.If he seems nonchalant and carefree about what he has done then staying with him will most likely only result in him feeling he can do you however he wants and more heartache for you.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 3:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I know it's a hell of a lot easier said than done to just kick him out when he's a big part of the financial support for your family. Maybe have him move all his crap to another bedroom and just act like room mates for a while till you get a plan in action for what you're going to do. Don't give him attention or dote on him, because then he'll try to weasel his way back into your arms again. Keep things calm for the sake of the kids, but don't try to stay together for their sake. Do you know if it was only a one time thing, or just that you caught it this time around?
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 3:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Don't forgive him so easy. Make him stay with a family member or something till you figure out what you want. He just keeps lying to you and he will lie again. If this was me I would tell him to go to hell and never return.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Girlfriend, go home to momma until you can take care of your kids. Do not keep him. It will not end. This was pre-meditated. I would never be able to trust him again. Plus, he works with her. He will see her every day. She knows he is married. The kids will be fine. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

    Keep your self-respect and dignity. I would never stay with a dishonest man for financial reasons. And I didn't.

    Good luck,
    RocketMom14Kids

    http://thegodfreymethod.com
    RocketMom14kids

    Answer by RocketMom14kids at 3:46 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • To make a long answer short, get marriage counseling. It's the absolute best way to go in my opinion. GL and I'm very sorry, you must be devastated.
    Averylee85

    Answer by Averylee85 at 3:30 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Ok, this has a lot of things to address
    1. I was married prev, to a man that I know for a fact was having an emotional affair with someone he worked with. I cant prove a sexual thing. He lied over and over again (even when I had cold hard prove), there was NO trust anymore. We were married just over 10yrs when I filed for divorce. I knew there was no way I could ever trust him again and without that, there could be no marriage.
    2. The girlfriend will tell you whatever she can so she does NOT get into trouble herself. Of course she's going to say it was all your husband even if it wasnt. I'm not saying it was either way... but she's gonna protect her butt.
    3. Do not let him stay "just for the kids"... if you know there is no way you're going to work it out. They will pick up on all the negative feelings between the 2 of you and they will develope their own set of problems.
    4. There is help if you decide to leave him
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 3:30 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • So what anon I should just let him stay in the house after screwing around? Of course I told him to get out just like I think anyone would.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Well the girl did say she supplies the condoms the other times.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:33 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree fully with CassiRae too..nobody can really tell you which road to take it's your marriage..basically you have to decide if your marriage is worth it and if you are willing to go through the struggles that you will go through to trust your husband again...which of course also depends on if he feels remorseful or not.I am very sorry too it's like the rug being ripped from under you.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 3:38 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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