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Should I confront him?

I have never had any indication that my husband was into weird sex stuff? I am lucky if I can get him to sleep with me once a week, we work different shifts and when I get home from work he has to leave for work 30 mins later. Today I got home, and found him asleep on our bed with my panties on laying on top of a pillow and with pictures he had printed out off a website. I was shocked and hurt but walked out and and just hollered that it was time for him to go to work. I dont know what to do, I am just heart broke over this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • wow, im sorry. I think you should talk to him and figure out what he needs. Is there any chance you could change your woek time to match his??? if possibe i would start there so you can try to fix being away from him so much. Think about it, maybe he just misses you and felt that was a good way to make himself feel better. I wouldnt get mad until you talk to him.
    bubblebean

    Answer by bubblebean at 10:48 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I don't think that's weird! Maybe he was just getting off and those are his incentives. LOL. You said that you two don't have time to have sex. Maybe you two can start doing a "quickie" on the work transition time. He'll probably love it. Don't be upset! You could have much bigger problems, like him straying.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:48 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Talk to him. He needs to explain now what is going on. My co-worker's boyfriend did the same thing but it actually progressed to cross-dressing. They stayed together but he would go out at night wearing her clothes to gay bars. He says he is not gay but he just likes cross-dressing. This behavior explained to us why he would always buy her very sexy clothing even though some of them she did not want to wear.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I would just be glad that they were not someone else's panties. He's probably just doing his thing to make up for the fact that you are not having sex due to work schedules. I agree with trying to work in quickies. It works for my BF and I because with his work schedule and kids...it's hard to get time for bedroom stuff.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Maybe he thought it was the next best thing to being with you. I don't think I would be upset over it. It sounds flattering to me. Ok maybe the pix were a bit much but you have had to have known that the man has fantasies. They all do. Maybe you can suggest you two have sex when you get home from your shift.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:24 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • I would love to have a quickie with him, but he wont do it. Many times when I initiate sex he is either too tired, dont feel good, or just flat falls asleep. I have gone to sleep many nights crying because it hurts. I have told him how I feel, and have confronted him over the stuff on teh computer. See its not just porn, if it was I could handle that these are pics of girls throwing up, it makes me sick, he promised me he would stop looking at it on line, and I have not found anymore on the computer, but until today I did not know that he had printed out any pictures. I am so heart broke I dont know what to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • girls throwing up. yup he has a fetish problem it sounds like. he should look into therapy and i think you should be supportive. i was being told by my hubby's friend of all these weird fetishes that people have like eating each others poo or donkey punch crap. i was shocked that anyone would be turned on by such things. he has some wires crossed but it's not such a bad thing that can't be worked on or worked through. it sounds like you guys need to slow down and he needs to get help to rewire his head to find that wrong. i think he can. i would just say that you feel that this fetish problem needs to be resolved and worked on professionally. i wouldn't bring up what you saw. just that it's a feeling. he can be left to wonder if you saw or not. i would be to embarrassed to admit that.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:53 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • oh and gosh good luck. i feel for you all the way.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:54 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • oh don't be heartbroken! most men just need visual stimulation. he is probably just missing you, and he wanted to feel close to you, thats all. Why not give him a naked pic of you, so he doesn't need one off the web? try to talk to him about it, but don't embarrass him. Working different shifts is so hard on any relationship. Sounds to me like your husband needs to spend some time alone with you.
    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 12:14 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I understand how the pictures make you feel sick, but there are all kinds of fetishes out there. You do need to talk to him about it, but I think it would be very important to be as non-judgemental as possible. If you approach him as if he is gross, then he will probably shut down and not talk at all. Counseling would be great, but I'm sure it will be very hard for him to open up about it... first try getting him to open up to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

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