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How would you handle this???? HELP

I know this may sound pathetic but I am going to ask it anyways. I am the oldest of four children and the only one that lives geographically close to my parents. All the others live far away. I am the only one that does anything for them and even if the others lived close probably would not anyways ( my father ; we all agree has been pretty abusive) the thing that gets me is my mother who, is a child oriented person ADORES my son and of course because we spend alot of time around he is spoiled by her ( of course) it seems like EVERY holiday my brothers and sisters pick fights with me because of this. I will not tolerate their abusive speech even in the holidays ( not any time not any way) what happens is that I always seem to get the blame for the whole thing because they do not want my other brothers and sisters to not even come up then. They are afraid they wont come up at all
Then my father will say because he is abusive, that they dont come up because they hate me but what he doesnt know is that its a unanimous verdict amongst us all that he is abusive. The thing is why do the others do this? I am the one on the worst end of the stick having to put up with him all the time. Moving away; for my son and I is not an optionbecause the only one it would hurt is my son seeings how everything ( school; friends eetc is here) it may even in fact even give my sons father; an upper hand in custody which he has been trying for to no avail since he has been born. Isnt that nice I have an abusive father and give my son one too!!!!! Anyways the big question is how do I deal with my siblings and their shenaniggans for the holidays??? HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPP!!!!

 
NE1outthere

Asked by NE1outthere at 5:10 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (493 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • You might need to get some grit, and you also might need a thicker skin. I don't say that your complaints aren't valid, I say this because you can't change your siblings or your father, so the best thing you can learn to do is not to let them get to you. I know that's easier said than done, but you have to have confidence that you are not at fault here and that you have done nothing wrong. They may claim otherwise but if you know yourself to be in the right then their opinions become their problem. I don't think you are wrong to say, "Dad, I may have issues with them and that's my problem, but you have your own issues you could work on and that's on you," and you could tell your siblings that your son may be spoiled by Grandma but if their children were around more they would get the same treatment, again that's a choice your mom makes, not you. If you need to say your peace do that, but don't let them drag you into a fight.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:40 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Get some grit girl! Sorry but I say it the way it is unless they want to walk in your shoes tell them to F**k off! Your the one up here dealing with it, they are not. You have every right to put them all in place unfortunately your father too. Be the one to break the cycle. Good luck
    nwaskie

    Answer by nwaskie at 5:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • In regards to why they do this, that might be easier to answer than you think. It's because they come from a disfunctional family. Your father started it with his abuse, and possibly came from an abusive family himself. Likely the abuse caused your siblings to feel inadequate, so now they feel any attention you receive that they don't is a confirmation again of their inadequacy. Of course, that isn't necessarily correct, but it may explain why they feel the way they do. And it might explain why your son's father is in a similar way- if what you know is abuse it tends to repeat itself in your life if you aren't aware of it. I have abuse on my mom's side of the family and I have seen the dynamic play out among her siblings- I have an uncle who is not the easiest person to love, but I know that a lot of his issues come from his childhood and what he went thru. I try to remember that, it doesn't excuse everyhing, but does explain.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:45 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • wow you could be my twin i come family of 14 kids and i am second youngest so when any thing goes wrong in their life it is my fault at first i would get mad then in time i just stop listening to them ,you can always walk away from it all and your son does not need to hear all the crab that your family gives you tell them to move on and get some brass balls and stand up for your self ,and your mom and dad are not helping they only see the good in their kids that they love not the onces that are helping them out ,you can do two things go and have fun or stay home and have great time with your son
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 9:10 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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