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3 Bumps

How can I get my two children to accept my boyfriend, who I plan to marry?

I have been divorced from their dad for 4 years. After dating quite a bit, my boyfriend is the first man I have ever brought home for them to meet. The kids don't know yet that we intend to get married. They have met him twice. My teenage daughter "hates" him, and my 8 year old son ignores him. What do I do?

Answer Question
 
Inloveagain

Asked by Inloveagain at 5:27 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • How can they accept him when they've seen him twice? When are you planning to marry? I suggest they all spend ALOT more time together before you go through with it. It impacts their lives too.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 5:29 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • easily.. they need to spend more time w/ him and get to know him!! then if they dont like him, youll have an idea as to why, and can hopefully work it out! Def. wouldnt throw out marriage to them until they spend time w/ him or they will surely not agree!
    mohme2three

    Answer by mohme2three at 5:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • i agree. my stepson took alot of getting used to me to accept me. he knows that im his "second" mommy. he didnt like me at first but after spending alot of time with me he started to open up and now we see him alot more often and he knows that im part of the family too. its gonna be hard especially since you have older children but spending time is the most logical way.
    GarciaMommy915

    Answer by GarciaMommy915 at 5:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree with butterfly....that's such a short time that they have been around him, however, I would question them as to what and why they feel that way. Sometime children can pick up on things we don't.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 5:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I would have to say to give it time, don't push them and don't take their feeling personally (easier said than done, I know). And try to address their concerns and show them that your love for them will not change, and that the way you parent will not change. And express to them that he makes you happy and is good to you, let them see this. Teens hate everyone, and they have only met him twice. Maybe you can do some sort of "family dates" so that they can get to know him better. Something with activities your children will enjoy that gives them a chance to get acquainted without the pressure of just sitting at a table together trying to force conversation. You have dated and had time to be with other men and to get to know this man and to get to love him, but your children are behind on that as you have protected them this far so they need time to get used to this idea and to learn that he has good qualities to love. Good luck
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:33 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I think you need to have him around more and include them when you guys do stuff. I was just like them when my mother tried to remarry, you can't expect them to instantly like him. I would take it slow and give them TIME to like him.
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 5:33 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree with the other answers. Since your children are already in your life, and they should be the most important right now, make sure they are comfortable with him before you go through with a wedding. If not, things will be very uncomfortable around your home, for a long time. I also had a step son who i spent alot of time with before his dad and I got married and that eased the transition quite a bit.
    TeenerBeener75

    Answer by TeenerBeener75 at 5:34 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • The first thing is - don't push him on them, they'll resent it. Secondly, be patient. Continue to integrate him in their lives slowly. Make sure your boyfriend doesn't try and act like an authority figure, but do insist that they show him respect. And lastly, good luck, blending families is so difficult.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 5:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • There is nothing you can do about the way they feel about your bf. Your bf will have to make the extra effort to accommodate them.

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 5:45 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I would take a step back from the marriage plans until you see how your BF Acts around them and how good he is to them once they spend more time together.. its going to be hard for them and him and I know for myself, It would be hard for my son to ever accept anyone else so it would take a big person to do this..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:56 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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