Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Ok... I am obviously having this baby by myself... so what do I do now?!

I have posted questions about my boyfriend and I in the past few weeks... about him not being supportive, not talking to me, blah blah blah. But now, we have broken up (not officially, but in MY mind). He gives me mixed signals... I have tried to talk to him honestly about how I feel and have let him know that I need more support, but there has been no resolution. In fact, this just made things even worse. Now he doesn't even CALL me. He acts like things are good whenever I see him at an appointment or whatever, but then he says he will call and never does. I am so frustrated with the situation. We have only known each other since July and we found out I am pregnant in October. I am now 12 weeks along. (I went to a different dr. yesterday to find out what my options are as I am having a LOT of doubts since he started acting funny, I thought I was 10 weeks, but I am 12.) No going back now. I have an 8 year old daughter and he is a single father of 3 girls, ages 12, and 13 year old twins. He is not new to this. He is 35 and I am just 24. I feel like he is playing MAJOR head games. It's almost like his attitude is, "wel, she's pregnant now, she's not going anywhere"... I think it is a major stroke to his ego that he has such a younger woman pregnant. We used protection so this was an extremely unplanned pregnancy. At first everything seemed good, he seemed very happy, but ever since I talked to him about our lack of communication he just seems so distant. (I used to mention that I am having doubts and that I am depressed scared and nervous and he would say something along the lines of, "okay", or nothing at all.) To be honest, I didn't see things working out with us even before I got pregnant.... I want things to work out for the best but he is really leaving me no choice but to ignore him back and leave him out of the picture completely. I have another appointment Monday and I highly doubt he will come. I always had to remind him of appointments up until now, and I am NOT doing it anymore. My question is, what am I supposed to do? I'm having this baby whether we like it or not! I feel like telling him there is no baby, maybe tell him I had a miscarriage, I know that isn't the best thing to do, but he WILL NOT be much help financially anyway and will NOT be a positive influence on my baby. I will NOT let this ruin my life, I am STILL going to register to go back to school to be a nurse... no MATTER WHAT. I know one thing. I am not calling him. He will call me eventually.... but what do I say when he calls? I feel like I have run out of things to say to him as I have already tried talking with him reasonably.... but at this point I feel like telling him to (excuse my language), go FUCK himself. Any suggestions??

Answer Question

Asked by Queenie09 at 5:53 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Suggestions? Take care of yourself, take care of your home, take care of your responsibilities, and get everything ready for when the baby comes - and simply be the best parent you can be. Don't waste energy on him, take good care of yourself (and your new baby when it arrives!) Congrats!

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 5:55 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You can't lie to him about miscarrying, the unfortunate part is he's in your life now. What capacity to which he's in your life is another story though. If he's acting like this now, he may not be a part of this baby's life in the future, but let that be HIS choice. In the meantime, move on with your life and start preparing for your impending arrival!

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 5:57 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Tell him exactly that! Sounds like he is a big ol' douche bag and you need to get away from this jerk. Don't let him off the hook monetarily, make his ass pay every dime he should! Good luck to you and just know that you can do this on your own:)


    Answer by shanlaree at 5:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Not to be a downer, but he doesn't sound like he is going to be in the child's life. He is like a zit. If you pick at it, it festers. Leave it alone and it goes away.

    You obviously don't have any emotional equity in the relationship. Ignore him. Get your child support money. Hire a good doula

    Answer by ecodani at 6:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Tell him what you told us

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:13 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Don't wait around for him to step up just worry about you, your daughter and your baby. Thats all that matters and if he doesn't want to be there he doesn't deserve you.

    Answer by MommyIn2008 at 6:22 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • wow the pressure he has 3kids and other on the way some thing you two did not plan but yes it is here you need to listen to him and hear what he is thinking he does not mean to leave you he needs time to think ,what he going to do and all the pressure where we going to live and how am i going to feed them what was i thinking .this great girl comes into my life .
    yes it only 12weeks of prego but he needs to regroup and you two need to talk and listen to what is said if a real man he will stand by if not you can do this alone ,you done this before be strong and move on

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 7:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Your next contact with him should be a baby announcement.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 7:51 PM on Dec. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.