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what do you do if your soo in love with your dh and you know you have to leave?

hes done soo many things to me i really cant count them.. he always has to be high like on drugs its called cw something its like pot but its legal in some states.. he doesnt ever care what ever i say he gave me herpes alongggg time ago but its something why i cant leave him and also i didnt grad hs because i moved to germany to be with him and he said he would take care of me .. he spent 75 dollars on that crap he smokes.. i dont know what else to do.. i wrote lists of his good parts and his bad ...my mom said thats what i should do write good and bad and if theres things that can be changed than good and if theres more bad than good think why .... here they are...



HE PUTS ME DOWN AT ALOT OF THE THINGS I DO.
HE CALLS ME IMMATURE.
HE SAYS I ACT LIKE A CHILD.
MAKES FUN OF ME FOR WATCHING CARTOONS. IVE JUST NEVER HAD THAT CHILDHOOD IM STILL SEEKING .
WE CANT NEVER AGREE ON THINGS.
LOOKS RIGHT THREW ME AS IF IM NOT REALLY HERE.
WANT HIS "OWN" TIME MORE THEN WITH ME.
MOPES AROUND AND ACTS LIKE HIS LIFE IS SOO HARD THEN HE LOOKS AT ME AND SIGHS AS IF HES MISERABLE WITH ME
AND DOESNT APPRECIATE ANYTHING I DO.
HE NEEDS TO BE HIGH ALOT OF THE TIME.
WHEN WE GET IN LITTLE FIGHTS HE DUSTS IT OFF AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
WHEN WE FIGHT HE WOULDNT CARE IF I LEFT HIM OR IF I WOULD EVER PURSUE ANOTHER MAN.
HES VERY MUCH CARELESS.
HE DOES THINGS WITHOUT MY CONTENT OR OPINION.
HE INSULTS ME.
HE SAY IM A FLITHY PERSON.
HES MEAN 68 % OF THE TIME.
HE DOESNT TRY IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
WALKS AWAY LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BOY WHEN I CONFRONT HIM.
NEVER WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH JUST ME.
DOESNT COME AFTER ME WHEN IM MAD.
WE NEVER SIT DOWN JUST TO TALK ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS.. INSTEAD HE YELLS OR WALKS AWAY.
SENDS MONEY TO HIS MOM WHEN WE DONT HAVE ANY IN THE FIRST PLACE.
DOESNT COMFORT ME WHEN I CRY.
DOESNT LET ME TALK.
THINKS THAT IM ALWAYS PLAYING GAMES WHEN IM NOT PLAYING GAMES .. I PLAY GAMES ONLY 30% PERCENT OF THE TIME.
THINK THAT I LIKE TO START FIGHTS. WHEN I DONT I HATE FIGHTING..
HE THINKS IM STUPID.



and here are the good..

MIKE IS A GOOD FATHER.
MIKE HAS NICE TEETH.
MIKE IS A GREAT PROVIDER.
HE HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
MAKES ME LAUGH ALOT.
HES THERE WHEN OTHER PEOPLE OR NOT.
HE HAS ALOT MORE FAITH IN ME THEN MY OWN FAMILY.
I LOVE BEING WITH HIM 24/7.
WE HAVE ALOT IN COMMON.(MAYBE THATS WHY WE DONT GET ALONG SOMETIMES).
MAKES ME FEEL LOVED. 82%
WE LOVE THE SAME MUSIC.
WE LOVE ANIMALS.
WE HAVE ALOT OF THE SAME DREAMS.
HE IS THE BEST AT BUTTERING ME UP WHEN IM MAD AND I INSTANTLY LOVE HIM OVER AGAIN.
IVE FELT THE SAME LOVE FOR HIM I HAVE MY WHOLE LIFE I HAD WITH HIM.
I LOVE HIS WARM HUGS THEY FEEL SOO PEACEFUL.
WHEN IM SLEEPING HE COMES UP BEHIND ME AND SNUGGLES ME UP.


i dont know what to do anymore.. maybe its me.. ? maybe theres something wrong with me that make him soo mean .. any advise on what u would ?

Answer Question
 
Luckyme3487

Asked by Luckyme3487 at 7:15 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,572 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • have you tried councelling at all not spelt right but you know what i mean, maybe sit and tell him how you really feel right now, it does hurt when you love someone and you just can not stay, i hope it gets better real soon
    angelbaby1323

    Answer by angelbaby1323 at 7:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • well first off you have contradicted yourself several times in this post. If he treats you bad and you are unhappy then leave
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 7:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I agree counceling sounds like your best bet at this point if you really want to make it work. But if he isn't wiling to go or doesn't think he has a problem then I would see about leaving or kicking him out, you shouldn't have to live like that, and also counceling for yourself might be a good idea too even if he isn't willing to go. Good luck !!!
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 7:30 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • two thing to do to figure out when concidering to leave or not
    1=would you want your daughter with a man like this? (if you have no daughter..a neice, or best friend or sister)
    2=do not look at good times or vad, but the regular every day times=is he a partner in every day stuff, does he enrich your every day life

    also
    if a freind described your life as her own=what would you tell her
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:36 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • i would prolly tell her to leave him but im in love u cant stop love:( this sucks the biggest problem im very forgiving and live with it..! :( uhhh why could life be more simple if only i could care less
    !!!
    Luckyme3487

    Comment by Luckyme3487 (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Instead of focusing on him - focus on YOU. GO BACK TO SCHOOL, TAKE UP A HOBBY, HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS, MAKE NEW FRIENDS, GO TO CHURCH, etc. Do SOMETHING, other than what you are doing now. I would NEVER be with a man who "needs to get high" and "looks at me like he's miserable with me." NO WAY, NO HOW.......I am a TREASURE, how dare you look at ME like YOU are miserable.....

    The truth is he IS miserable.......and it has nothing to do with YOU. However, you sound like the classic young woman with belittled self esteem. So you need to work on loving yourself RIGHT NOW. And you can start out by recognizing what is special about YOU....and then, leave his ungrateful, inebriated ass.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 7:48 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • confusedu say he makes u feel loved.... how on earth can u feel loved by a man who treats u like that?it sounds like a contradiction to me.

    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 8:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • there is a lot more oln that negitive list and the positive list....there are some things on there that would desfinately not constitute being areason to STAY! (to me at least...we love the same music and animals...so do you and thousands of others? world not make me stay with someone that constantly is putting me down as you say....just a thought
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 8:49 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You're not in love, dear. You're in infatuation. How can I tell? He has nice teeth is the second thing on your good list!

    Nearly everything on your good list is contradicted by something on your bad list. And everything on your bad list is a precursor to physical abuse. Not to mention the drug use!

    Let me ask you this... would you want your DAUGHTER treated this way (if you had one)? Then don't accept anything less for YOURSELF.

    If you really want to try to save this, insist he get OFF the drugs and get to counseling. Go yourself if he won't go. It WILL help you. But understand that if you don't change things SOMEHOW, you are condemning your son to being just a much of an ass as your husband is being, and any future daughter to accept being treated like trash. Children do as you do, not as you say.

    I think your kids deserve better, don't you?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • ok a LOT of your bad list is contradicted in your good list.. i dont think youre in love i think you are scared to leave him.. for whatever reason it is.. youre scared.. not in love....
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 11:07 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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