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I need some advice pls

What do you do when your inlaws treat you like they can't stand you, but act like in front of their son they love you. When for nine years you have done everything you can for them because, you love your husband and thats his parents. not to mention raising your own children and your neice and nephew on your husband side for the last 4yrs. No respect at all. they tell people that their son is raising them. I'm with the kids 95% of the time it's like the inlaws treat me like I'm not even here,and it's causing me and my husband alot of trouble because I'm doing something out of my heart caring for two children thats not mine. And his mom & dad treats me like i do nothing. pls tell me what you think, i need some advice

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Dr. Laura would tell your husband that it's about time he lived up to his marriage vows and stood ON YOUR SIDE ... even against his parents.

    Ask Dr. Laura for advice - I have heard her advising women in your position, and she came up with very clear, "why didn't I think of that ?!" plans for them to solve the problem.

    Answer by waldorfmom at 7:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Well, what are your options? Think about them and then play out in your mind what the end result will be. If it were ME - I wouldn't put up with it at all. My husband is LUCKY his mother lives in another state and we never see each other.....I KNOW we would be divorced if we lived near each other. Stand up for yourself, if your husband won't. If they say, "my son is raising the kids, etc", then I would respond, "Well, I am their primary care taker and very proud and happy to be doing so."

    You may as well sit with them and say, "I realize you don't like me very much by the way you passive-aggressively speak to me and about me. And we can either get along or we can have constant tension. I think, since I am going to be in your son's life FOREVER -we should try to get along and treat each other with respect. Otherwise, I can start playing your passive-aggressive games and we can see how this plays out."

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 7:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • well... he tries to keep the peace and the only peace is between him and his mom & dad. As long as hes not mad at them or they are not mad at him everything is fine. In the mean time I'm doing all the work and they don't give any resepct for me for what i do. maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom and they think I should be making my own money but i could say that about the kids mother she should be taking care of her own kids I don't think they would like that too much. and i love the kids its not their fault.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I feel you gurl.. my dh has 2 brothers they hate me in front of me in front of my dh and behind my back and i dont know why.. they are imature.. his mom i think likes me but i think she dislikes me more.....we have been married 3 years....they dont even see my daughter thier niece and granddaughter....they never call ever.......i duno.... i just deal with them when they feel like dealing with me other than that i dont put myself out there for them

    Answer by lacyjay1987 at 7:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Thats what I do lacyjay1987 i try to stay away. we live right beside them and if one of our kids are sick they want call and ask me about them the wait until their son gets home and calls and ask him. But he can't see anything wrong with that he can't see they don't like me i would never let my parents treat him that way.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:44 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You need to sit down with your husband and tell him that you will not except this treatment. He is supposed to put you first and he is not doing so. He needs to go talk to his parents and tell them that if they can not treat you with respect then they will not be seeing or talking to any of you (including your husband) until they can.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • Sadly my DD has the same kind of IL's & my SIL is the same way, & it makes my blood boil. What she does is kills them with kindness, turns the other cheek & bitches to me. When they are together on family functions she makes herself busy w/the kids, or sticks w/ a family member she's friendly with. She lets her S/O know how she feels but she knows he isn't going to do anything even though they have faught many times over this.They even tried a marriage counselor until the kids schedules got in the way. BUT, the few sessions they did go to the Dr suggested my SIL bring his parents in for a session. If my DD is happy I'm happy, I'm not married to him, & I wouldn't be, but that doesn't change the fact that my DD loves him.Your S/O & my SIL as I tell my DD when she's really mad, " need to have them cut the apron strings!!" They're Mommies Boys. Many times my DD makes her own plans w/the kids and does what she wants, w/NO IL's.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 9:23 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

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