Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how can i learn to let go of the past?

me and my husband have had some rough times in the past. since our daughter has been born things have been really good, but sometimes i get started thinking about all the bad times and it's like i get mad at him all over again. i don't want to live like this. i want us to have a bright future together. i hate holding grudges. honestly- he is the only one i hold grudges against. i love him with all my heart and i don't want to lose him. what is wrong with me. please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
sonya_peak

Asked by sonya_peak at 11:03 PM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You have to let it go regardless it will consume you if you don't I actually pushed him away because I threw it in his face when he would do something wrong that is not good he told me that I have to learn to get over it and he has done everything for me to get over it but he came back I got over it and where fine.I had to forgive him because I love him aaaaaalot and I love my family .
    monica277

    Answer by monica277 at 1:38 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • You've got to let it go! You are on the right track already by what you wrote in your question. Don't be afraid. If you want it to work, you've got to forgive and start rebuilding that trust in each other. If he's on the same page, there is no reason you two can't be happy together going forward. Good luck!
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:09 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Don't cheat yourself out of making Now great. There is a thing called Behavior Modification that you could use. Basically, when the negative thought comes up you immediately replace it with a positive thought. Make a list of positive things (your child's smile, a flower, a sunny day at the beach, etc) and make a mental picture of them. When the bad thoughts come up then immediately think of one of the good things on your list. I've heard of ppl wearing a rubber band around their wrist and snapping it every time they have that negative thought. It snaps them into thinking of the sting of the rubber band and keeps your mind off whatever you were thinking before.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Hun, I'm right there with ya. I finally realized that what happened in our past is the past-- DH is doing everything right and I'm STILL hanging on to what happened years ago. You're definitely headed in the right direction by realizing that you need to let it go. If you think that you're unable to do this on your own, go see a counselor-- couple and single sessions would probably be beneficial. Otherwise, just try to divert your thoughts when you find yourself dwelling on the past. Remind yourself that that was then, this is now, and you want there to be a future-- so ya' better change your train of thought right then!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • you just have to decide to get over it. my SO and i have been together for 5 years and we've had some awesome times and some really crappy ones. if you want to stay in it then let it go. that's honestly all you can do.
    WesAndNicksMom

    Answer by WesAndNicksMom at 11:57 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • you could pray to let it go.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:04 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • My husband and I had afew bad patchs over 15 years and I have learned to really forgive him and move on. It will take time. I have never forgotten but I can allow it to affect all we have now. We love each other dearly and know wew would not be here today if we had not go though the bad but just try to not think abuot it and when you do just think of all the good you have right now at that moment.
    moma22angels

    Answer by moma22angels at 12:23 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Wow you sound just like me! I try my best to just focus on the NOW and not so much the THEN but it does slip into my mind. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice on what to do because if I did I'd be using it on myself too! But if it makes ya feel any better you're not alone in feeling this way....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I always say that you can forgive someone but you cant not forget what that person has done to you, I have give my husband for thing that he was done but sometimes i think about all the bad think and how much he hurt me and i cry it very hard to get over the pasted
    Erica25800

    Answer by Erica25800 at 8:25 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN