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Can't get along with inlaws and it's causeing problems

My mother-in-law has seirous problems with paying her bills. They have two vehicles that the bank is trying to repo right now. However she doesn't tell my father in law and he is unaware. Their is an IRS lean against the house they own, they are leaseing a bigger one now. My inlaws want to take us trips to Orlando, and Colorado to ski. I cannot accept such things when I know she doesnt pay her bills. My husband wont tell his father and we cannot agree on what to do. How do I participate in their lavish trips when I know they own so many people money. They would be paying for us to go along. I just can't make myself go along with that. My husband is now mad at me, because he doesnt want to upset his father or "rock the boat." What do I do??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Wow, id say no hopefully your dh wont end up being like his mother.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 8:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • go but offer at times to pay your own way a meal or two admission once etc.Its their problem.my inlaws say th same thing but then found out wasnt as bad as thought
    slyvester

    Answer by slyvester at 8:44 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • umm...i kinda side with your hubby...if you politely decline and she still insists, then go...atleast your family is spending some quality time with them. their money problems are THEIR money problems, not yours.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:44 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You stay out of it, and you accept the invitation, it might be the last time you get invited. It is not your call to tell father in law what is going on and apparently hubby doesn't think so either.

    older

    Answer by older at 8:44 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • You must "mind your own business" and pretend you don't know about it. I'm sorry, but it is not your place to even give it a second thought. These are grown ups....and it is their burden, NOT YOURS. Put it out of your mind.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 8:44 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • not paying your bills is stealing. You cannot participate in this activity. It is a horrible role model for your children.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:45 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I'd rock the boat until it flipped over lol. How upset is your fil going to be when they have no car no house and no place to go? He's going to feel even worse knowing that he's the only one that didn't know about it.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 9:55 PM on Dec. 15, 2010

  • I don't think I would go either.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:08 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • FIL NEEDS to know. It is his money too! It is his property too! And she sounds like she needs some help. Do you think that FIL would go on this trip if he knew how bad it is? If he were to go on the trip without knowing and then found out the situation, he would be even more angry. Your husband needs to understand that this will tear their marriage apart and possibly yours if it is not brought to light and handled. Instead of paying for trips that money MUST go towards paying off debts. It may not be as much fun, but it is the responsible thing. And....if they go for bankruptcy later on, and it is discovered that not only were they not paying bills but they were taking lavish trips during that time, they may get in worse trouble and lose eligibility for declaring bankruptcy. Do not be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution.
    LadyKatya

    Answer by LadyKatya at 6:51 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • In a similar situation, except it's my own family. We have always kept my dad in the dark pertaining to the financial boo-boos of my mother. My dh, like you, couldn't understand why we didn't tell my dad the truth about things. We just didn't want him to be unhappy. And for the poster that said "hope he's not like her", I can assure you I am nothing like that. My dh and I have an open, honest relationship. But somewhere along the way in my parent's marriage that unhealthiness crept in. My dad lives in utopia while my mother and I try to keep him that way. I truly think you should just not say anything, if their spending on you makes you uncomfortable, just say that you'll pay your own way. I'm not saying this is a good thing, I honestly can't tell you why I've kept the secret, but some people just get into this. Don't let it cause problems with you and your dh, my dh and worked through it.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:18 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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