Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

if we decide to have the child,

can we ever have any formal contact with him/her after adoption?

Answer Question

Asked by KaylaS33 at 11:46 PM on Nov. 7, 2008 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I gave up a child for adoption and can see her pretty much whenever I want. It was an open adoption with friends. Her 2nd b-day is coming up and we plan on going to her party. Open adoption allows you to have contact with the child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • as long as the potential adoptive parents agree to an open adoption, they keep you updated, send you pics, and in some cases even let you see the child, just be sure its an open adoption...good luck, and hope you make all the right choices, for you and the child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Go through an agency and ask for an open adoption.

    My favorite is another thought, which may be of benefit to you and your baby. Consider requesting a contract through the agency so every year, on the baby's birthday, the adopted parents send a letter and a photo. This way, you will know how well your child is, without interrupting and confusing the child be physical visits. You will hear about grades and get school pictures, but you won't be showing up as the child works on building a relationship with the new family and friends.

    You really don't want to meddle in that new life. After all, you really just want to know the child is well and happy.

    Answer by LeftBrainy at 12:02 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Being involved in your child's life is not meddling. Knowing that your child is well and happy is rarely enough. Nor do physical visits confuse children or interrupt their lives. Open adoptions do allow some communication. However, adoptive parents may (and do) change their minds and discontinue all contact. The best open adoptions, which seem to be rare, allow regular visits. In the best open adoptions, the birth family is like extended family, but this situation is rarer still.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:28 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • quote: Being involved in your child's life is not meddling....Nor do physical visits confuse children or interrupt their lives.

    Well said, SR! As a closed adoption adoptee- I wouldn't wish the unknown, fear, worry, secrets and lies of nameless, faceless ghost parents on any child!

    Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light. ~ Dorthy Thompson


    Answer by adopteeme at 6:41 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • OP, if you were to never have contact with your child ever again after the adoption, will you be okay? That's a possibility in adoption even if its an open adoption.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:58 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • They can promise you things..visits, pictures, phone calls . letters...and at anytime just decided to pull the rug out from under you. No explaination. It happens more then you know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • I agree with froghdawg. That way not only do you get a recommendation from a birth mom, but your child will have a sibling.

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:13 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I also agree with frogdawg. If a woman has no other option then to relinquish her child and wants an open adoption, choose a family that can PROVE they didn't close their adoption over a lame excuse!

    Answer by searbear at 10:15 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.