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My 17 year old son is disrespectful to the point that its causing issues in my relationship with his step-dad.

I realize most of it is 'typical teenager pushing his limits' type of stuff but its gotten to the point that its creating tremendous strain in our household. He doesn't have afterschool activities, he doesn't have a cell phone (we stopped paying for it a month ago in reaction to the irresponsibility), he has already lost his xbox, his tv and his stereo. I've tried grounding him, he just comes home and holes up in his room, taking a nap or drawing (he's an artist) so I feel it accomplishes nothing. He demands, not asks; He has an attitude if you ask him to do things around the house or punish him for not doing it; its starting to affect my younger two and I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to lose my husband over it and he's fed up. Any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Breelv2 at 2:01 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • You and your hubby should be working as a team. Have a family meeting and just ask him what's bugging him? Get him to open up. And if your husband is hurting your son than he has to go!

    Answer by gammie at 2:10 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My husband isn't hurting my son at all. He's hurt BY my son's actions and feels that we need to buckle down and be more strict to put a stop to this. I'm just not sure HOW to do it is the problem, as I've tried grounding, I've taken away things, and I've talked/yelled/cried/pleaded with my son to be more considerate of those he lives with. He just says he feels that we don't respect him and argues - "I did my chores." (when they are half done) "I forgot." -(when they aren't done) - "I wasn't being rude!" (when he hangs up on us because he didn't get the answer he wanted over the phone. "I lost track of time" (when he's late for curfew) Again, its mostly typical teenage stuff but its neverending it seems - it just doesn't ever seem to stop completely. When you've done all the recommended things (grounding, talking, etc) and the kid continues to be a disrespectful, lazy teenager, what is next?

    Comment by Breelv2 (original poster) at 2:15 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My parents took me on a tour of a prison nearby when I was around that age. It scared the respect back into me. you could try that. Or counseling.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 2:18 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Make him start an after school activity. Maybe something is going on at school and he feels as though you wouldn't understand so he resents you for it. Spend some alone time with him like go get coffee together or go see a movie together. Tell him you really enjoyed spending that time with him. Ask him why he is so angry all the time.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 2:21 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • set aside alone time for just the two of you for one day a week. not alot of time, just small things like going to eat lunch or something.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 2:22 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • worst comes to worst, there is always Good Luck!

    Answer by usdragonflies at 2:23 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • That's typical teenager stuff. He just feels like you don't understand him or care what he wants, thinks, needs, feels, etc. To be honest that's fairly mild forms of disrespect. Most teenagers are rude and lazy, it's just something that he has to grow out of. Make him get a job, it will help. If he has his own responsibilities and his own income to buy stuff he wants, it will help him grow as a person.
    My boyfriend (before we got married...) in high school was best friends with a guy who was the definition of disrespectful to his mother and anyone else he didn't like. He would curse at her constantly whenever she spoke to him, call her names (cum-guzzling whore, fatass slut, etc) and didn't do anything but play video games, watch porn and masturbate. Seriously. At least your kid isn't that bad.
    Is he a bad kid? Does he smoke, drink, do drugs, cause trouble, get bad grades and bad reports from school? If not...

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 2:36 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Maybe a big reason he acts the way he does is because you and your husband treat him like he's a bad kid, when he's really just got some teenage angst. If he doesn't do all kinds of immoral and potentially criminal activities, maybe you should just be thankful that a little sarcasm and chores not getting done are the only problems you have with him. Teenagers don't like curfew. that's life. What's he doing when he's breaking it? Causing trouble, or just having some laughs with friends? I bet he'd be better if you let him know that you appreciate that he's not a juvenile delinquent.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 2:38 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I have a 21 year old step daughter and was going thru the same thing you are going thru..please read in my journel ..."i Am Done!" and "I am not keeping score but I think they are seeing the light" My step- daughter is now doing chores and sometime is listening to me. It was not easy but I am slowly working with her. Good Luck!

    Answer by BrknWingAngel at 3:23 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My son does have some school issues with grades but not behavior. Mostly he just hates school - he always has. That's a separate issue however. As to whether or not he is a juvenile delinquent - not at all. We tell him all the time that we love him, think he's a great kid and has a lot to offer the world. This isn't the case of a couple of parents who just yell and scream at their kid all day long a.k.a. "Yackity Yack". This is the case of a kid who is perfectly happy when he has exactly what he wants, and the second he's asked to do something outside of that or is punished for going outside of established guidelines for his safety, he turns disrespectful and angry. Yeah, its probably typical teenager stuff. But this is my first time dealing with a teenager in this 'phase' and I'm struggling. Thankfully, no, he's not doing drugs, hanging out with bad people, or having sex.

    Comment by Breelv2 (original poster) at 12:49 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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