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2 Bumps

pregnant with second child, ex boyfriend brings new gf around my daughter need help!

im currently 38 weeks pregnant with my son. I have a 2 1/2 daughter with the same guy. Weve been broken up since May 2010. We set up a schedule where he visits her twice a week no sleepovers. its been like this for months. We started off with sleepovers and she didnt do well with that. so i stopped it. now he wants her more and more. He brings his gf around my daughter ever since may and i didnt know about it till give or take a month or so after the fact. I have never met this girl nor do i want to. Am i being childish? I wanna believe that my ex is capable of trusting who he brings her around and so far my daughter hasnt told me nothing bad about this girl (physical harm). We were never married btw. my only concern is physical and emotional harm to my daughter you know how new gf can be. This pass visitation he kept her from me for 3 days the longest ever since she was born he didnt tell me where she was, he literally kept her from me, i got nothing from him, the only thing i got was to say that he could have her for 3nights and 3 days equal time or hes not bringing her back. and he didnt he took her made up a new schedule and didnt bring her back till 3days later. he even said he was keeping her till we went to court. i cant help but suspect that his gf for 7months has something to do with this, or the fact that he doesnt want to pay child support. because he told me when i asked for child support he laughed at me and said he doesnt need to pay as long as she stays half the time with him. one of the two. or maybe both. However im not sure its my hormones but i get sad and mad when i think about him with his girlfriend and how it seems like they are trying to play house with my daughter. when me and my ex werent living together we would go all week 5 days without seeing him and he wouldnt call to talk to her he would call me twice a day and on weekends we seen him, and now all of a sudden he cant go on without her. does that even make sense? apart of me feels like i miss him, or still have feeelings for him, and i cant help but get irritated when hearing about his gf and how they are by my daughter, he doesnt even take her to see his family (fact) he picks her up and takes her to his gf house, and than he complains how his family doesnt get to see her like its my fault, he picks her up and what they do is what they do but apparently im the evil one because his family doesnt see her as much. 2 weeks his family didnt see her and yet he was still picking her up (fact) my question is how do i get over him? how do i know if i am? do i go to court with my daughter and not my son? i dont want my baby to go off with him not knowing who or what they are doing to my baby baby. am i supposed to meet his gf ? its been 7mons. her cousins post pics of my daughter on the internet and they took a family picture and set it as her profile (gf) is that rude they are younger than me and my ex isnt the most mature man ever. what am i to do? he doesnt even believe this kid is his, he denied its his again just like my daughter and now hes up her ass, am i being mean? he has two days with her no sleepoevers and he wants more, after him not bringing her back i didnt let him see her becuase i was afraid he wasnt goin to bring her back and now 10days later he seen her two days and wants to pick her up more like everything is back to normal. i dont want that at all. i dont want him to think what he did was okay should i go to court?

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Asked by rachael_rae77 at 5:31 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Oh my dear! *hugs* It seems that you are trying to do right by this guy in giving him visitation and such, and to do the best thing for your daughter. He kept your daughter for 3 days without your permission and threatened to keep her longer. Whether he is the dad or not, that is kidnapping. I would not let them have any unsupervised visits until you get a court order fully detailing his rights and responsibilities in regards to both of the kids. If he claims that the baby is not his, then be fully willing to undergo a blood test and if he doesn't cooperate, then get it court ordered because he needs to understand that both are his.
    You also have the right and responsibility to meet this other girl and to decide if she is someone who will be good for your kids to be around. But when you do this, you need to do so with an open mind because she may not be bad at all, but don't ignore warning signs either. Good luck!

    Answer by LadyKatya at 5:46 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Im so sorry! I know exactly what you are going through, I go through the same BS with my ex, although my daughter is terrified of him. If you want pm me & I can share a few things with ya!

    Answer by Hope4Teal at 6:24 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • "you know how new gf can be"

    Not really. She may be really cool, i would not jump to conclusions that she is a total bitch. Who knows, maybe she is good for him & can help him be more responsible. Women are more caring than men, it may be good for your children for their dad to have a nice woman. Although, i still understand how you feel about the situation.

    "he laughed at me and said he doesnt need to pay as long as she stays half the time with him"

    This is totally untrue. My ex said the same thing...LOL! We share DD 50/50, although I am the primary parent & he certainly was ordered by the court to pay me child support. But, i don't need child support. I make more money than he does, so i told him not to worry about paying me. He will be shocked to find out that he'll still have to pay.

    Go to court NOW & file a temporary custody order for your DD. This will give you sould custody until the court hearing...CONT

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:53 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Once you get that tomporary custody order, he CANNOT take your DD. You can call the police & they will consider her kidnapped if he takes her. And, if he does that....the court will look down on him & will not win any custody in the case.

    It's VERY important that you go to court, go to the file clerk & tell them you need help with filing a TPO against her father. This is such an important thing to do when filing for custody of your children. If you do not do this, then he does have rights to your DD if he is on the birth certificate. Good luck!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:57 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • dont let him take your daughter again until you can get a court hearing...get an emergency custody order for her asap so that you're covered legally...explain that your arrangement has always been twice a week with no sleepovers and that the last time he took her he kept her for 3 days and threatened to not return her at all....i would definately say this has alot to do with the gf. i've been through the same thing except my ex only bothered to see my son a couple times a year, then he got engaged to a girl that couldnt have children. she wanted to play house with my son. suddenly my ex wanted my son full time, moved out of state, and wouldnt tell me where he was hell getting him back and he was miserable there. get your emergency custody order and then take him to court. once the judge makes a ruling, he can go to jail or have his rights taken away if he breaks the agreement.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:42 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You need to be very careful cause this asshole and his bitch are going to end up kidnapping you little girl. He doesn't want to pay child support? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Look, don't let him take his daughter again until you go to court. Your going to end up sorry and wondering what happened when he doesn't bring her back at all one day. He's not interested in his daughter, he's only interested in the "I don't have to pay child support if I have her 1/2 the time...blah, blah, blah." Don't let your "feelings" for him cloud your judgement. It's over between you two and your only concern as far at that man is concerned are your children with him. Get a grip before something happens that you'll really be sorry about other than he stupid bf.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 8:43 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • That's pretty long so I didn't really read all of it. What you are going to want to do is go to court and get custody/visitation/support hammered out in writing. If you don't, he can keep your daughter and not have to give her back. When your second child is born you will have to go through the process again. I know you're concerned about your child and the people she is around. Custody issues are never an easy thing. If you want more advice, there's a great group on cafemom called Custody Issues and they can help you out.

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 1:09 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • If you had custody for all that time... and then all the sudden the new gf realizes that = child support... then he wants her half the time.. tha tisnt fair. the kid deserves to be in the best place. you need to go to court. they can set up a schedule for your dd and possibly ds. idk.... but also check out the people around your dd even if it hurts! the common thing if you have your child half the time and you are not married to your SO is - no overnight sleep overs with people unrelated to the child - she shouldnt be staying over when dd is there - it is not legal. unless you allow that in custody papers. let them know you know the laws and that they are breaking them. and if they want half custody they have to prove that she is as well cared for in their custody.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 8:47 PM on Dec. 21, 2010

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