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my step daughter hates me.....

long story short...ive been married to my dh for 13 years he has 3 kids from a prior marriage and 1 with step daughter is 8 years younger than me and has 2 kids of her own and one on the way...ive really tried over the 13 years to be kind and loving to all the kids....well for the past year my steph daughter has been avoiding calling or emailing our house and i asked my dh had he heard from the kids?? he said yes all the time they call or email him at work...that hurt me that they are avoiding me...but the big shock and why im posting this question is i recently talked to my sister in law and she asked my if i was going to my step daughters baby shower and could we ride together? well i was shocked because every one knew even my hubby about her having a baby and a shower but me...i wasnt invited....thanks for your input


Asked by janomoma at 8:45 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (165 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • regardless of your stepdaughter hating or liking you ....your Husband still should talk to you about family things and NOT keep things from you.

    I work with a gal and her SD came between her and her DH (the SD father) they were very much in love but they divorced BECAUSE of the SD behavior

    She doesn't have to like you BUT she needs to give you the respect you deserve by being married to her father. She is putting your DH in a hard place, by behaving like she does. I am thinking DH needs to grow some balls and stand up to his daughter. He should tell her YOU are his WIFE and she needs to treat you with respect. ANd until that happens he will be pulling back from her. ANd SD needs to grow up !!


    Answer by justgrape723 at 9:01 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I am sorry you were left out, but there is nothing you can do about it, but express your hurt to your stepdaughter.

    Answer by older at 8:49 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • it hurts, i know. but honestly i think the majority of step kids "hate" the step parents. i don't think its anything personal. don't ge me wrong, i would be pissed to, but still. i'd send her an email asking why shes has these feelings. if she emails back, great! if not then, well, just keep loving her and her kids, and im sure it will work out. good luck!

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 8:51 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • that is really hard. I guess if it were me I would call her and ask to go for coffee. She if you can talk with her about what is going on and why she is so upset. Maybe something happened, something you aren't even aware of, that has made her mad. I believe you need to put the olive branch out there and see what happens. I would also talk with you DH and see what he says. You can ask him if she has said anything to him and how you are bothered by all of this.

    Maybe he has some insight that will help you.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:51 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Maybe send a gift to the shower just from you...kill it with kindness!?

    Answer by rebeccadac at 8:52 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Plus, is her mother going to be there? Maybe she doesn't want a scene or to spare her own mother's and family's feelings. This is pretty rational and not at all awful. Perhaps you and your husband can come over later or take her out shopping for things she does not have. There is no law that says she has to be your best friend. But as your husband's daughter you do have to be graceful and come at this from a respectful more mature level.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:58 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • you have you ever stop to think that being that close in age to her makes her feel wierd? and as for being invited YOUR not her mother and if you dont have a close relationship i dont see a reason for you to be invited........sorry but you need to let go and enjoy your own life

    Answer by cara124 at 8:50 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • "but honestly i think the majority of step kids "hate" the step parents"

    REALLY? I don't think this is true at all...

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:54 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • It isn't about if your sd likes you or not. You can never control what some else thinks or does. Her opinion is her opinion. It may be based on things not true or misunderstood.....but still, you can't change it. You can only control how you respond, think, and feel. Graceful is always my motto. This child didn't do anything (the one about to be born) so you can always send a gift to recognize his or her birth. It shows grace and it acknowledges to your sd you are accepting and welcoming of her and her family she is creating. Then it is up to her. Always civil, no drama, and graceful. Second thing, why didn't your husband tell you? I would personally have a conversation with my spouse and tell him I am hurt he didn't inform me of this party. It doesn't change I am not invited but it does continue the drama. In mature relationships there is NO drama. Only open communication.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:56 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I would send her an email telling her you heard she was pregnant & how excited you are about it. Maybe tell her you would like to contribute if you can.

    OR, you can tell her you heard about the shower & were kind of bummed you didn't get an invite. Either way, you should let her know that youre aware she is pregnant.

    Maybe though, since this is her third child...she may not be making a big deal about the baby shower & only invited a few people.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:53 AM on Dec. 16, 2010