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4 Bumps

Can your husband cheat on you yet still be completely inlove with you?

I just found out Monday my husband of almost 10 years has been cheating on me. I knew we were having problems but I never ever in a million years would I have ever thought he would do this. It was a girl from work who is much younger and he was also apparently high when he did it. (Seems his been hiding alot.) I also didn't think that we were having problems until about the time this started. He said he wasn't happy with his life but that it wasn't me. I really don't get that. I do believe he loves me still, and amazingly I still love him just as much, I am just in total shock that if he loved me so much how could he do this. We are trying to work it out and I really hope it works. I always thought if he cheated that would be it, but then again I never thought he would either. Am I just being stupid? Because even I don't see how he could be inlove with me and do that, yet I believe he still loves me.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • First of all, you don't have to be having any "problems" for him to cheat, men cheat for the conquest and not because they are lacking something. Also, I've read the statistics, over 85% of married men that cheat do it with no intention of leaving their wives. Like that is suppose to make is SO much better that they do it with the sole intention of having their cake and eating it to. Their only purpose is to hurt us. I wish I had good news for you but unfortunately, once he's're relationship will never be the same and don't listen to the bullshit about "it can get even stronger" again...BULLSHIT! It's broken and will always be broken because he didn't even have the tiniest respect for you or your wellbeing. Another thing, when you two eventually split up, he may be faithful to the next women he has a relationship with but with you, he will always have the....

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 9:14 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • no if you cheat you dont love anyone but yourself and arent in love with the person youre cheating on

    Answer by BrandiH. at 9:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Yes. Cheating in this case, I'm assuming is sex. And sex can be just sex without love. Even if it's not and it's an emotional affair, it is possible to love more than one person without losing the feelings or the strength of love for each.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 9:04 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I'm not trying to be harsh. Really I'm not. But think about it - If you love someone do you sneak around behind their back? Do you lie to them? Do you hurt them (and there is no such think as what she doesn't know won't hurt her)? Is that what love is to you? He did it because he thought he wouldn't get caught? That says it all. He wasn't sorry for what he did - he was sorry he got caught. He cried like crazy to manipulate you and make you THINK he still loves you so he can continue screwing you over.

    I'd bet a million dollars this wasn't the first time, and it won't be last if you stick around.

    I really am sorry to be so straight about it. But I'd feel worse setting you up for further hurt and disappointment. He's a lying cheating bastard who got caught. If he can get away with it, he'll do it again.

    Answer by SuperChicken at 9:15 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • No, I don't believe it's possible..only selfish people cheat and selfish people only love themselves. But, you never know how a person truly feels, only they do. Good luck.

    Answer by -AJ at 9:57 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • *applauds* Well said, SuperChicken!

    Answer by -AJ at 10:09 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • i think the being high thing is just a ridiculous excuse.

    Many men cheat & still love their wives, they just don't respect them.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:01 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • He may "love" you in his own way, but he doesn't respect you or value your marriage. Maybe you can work it out, but don't kid yourself and think that you had a perfect marriage and that this was because he was high. He cheated because there were/are problems. You need to work on the root issues, the cheating is just a symptom.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:02 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I honestly don't believe someone can do something that would hurt someone so much if they really love them. If you care about someone you think about how what you may do may effect them, and if you know it will hurt them, you don't do it.

    I used to tell my ex all the time (he cheated constantly, though he was always able to lie his way out of it) that you can't be sorry for something when you knew what you were doing, how much it would hurt someone, and what it may mean (ending the relationship, for example) and choose to do it anyway. You can be sorry you got caught or found out, but you're definitely not sorry you did it. And if you're that willing to do something that would hurt someone, to possibly throw a relationship away, I really can't believe you can love them - at least enough, or in the right way. And you certainly can't respect them.

    General you, lol, I know you didn't cheat. ;)

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 9:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Even if it was just sex and he doesn't have feeling for the homewrecking slut he cheated with, he still wouldn't have done it if he loved you. Love means NOT doing things you know will hurt the person you love. Not hurting the person you love, and then saying "it was just sex."

    Answer by SuperChicken at 10:06 AM on Dec. 16, 2010