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Struggling with these feelings about my Christmas present I received

My friend Dawn and I always exchange gifts. She lives in Florida,I'm in Wisconsin. Every year we send each other things that have alot of meaning,even if they don't cost alot. This year I sent her a package with a monogramed throw,several really pretty ornaments,a gumball machine lol,candy,gum,a pic of my son in a frame,and some fridge magnets I made.
I got my gift yesterday. She sent me a t shirt that was obviously from a flea market,a used book,and 2 bags of candy. It looks like she spent $6 tops.
I put alot of thought into my gift. I worked on gathering the stuff for months.
They are not struggling for money. In fact she bragged about the vacation they are taking after X-mas.
I guess it hurts mostlybecause her present was the one that lifted my spirits because it was so heartfelt. My family always pulls the "I didn't know what to get you,or I was broke so I couldn't get you anything" So year after year I bust my ass coming up with these grest gifts for people,and I get jack squat. Her gift always gave me hope. Made me feel good about the season despite how others treated me. Now.....not so much.
I feel bad for being disappointed in her gift. But then the feelings that she's just become like them creep in.
Should I just give up on my gifts having meaning and just do like they do,grab something last minute,or get them nothing at all?
And please,don't give me the "at least she thought of you " B.S,I don't need that.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Be a friend. Something may be going on in her life. Something that she cannot share. Value her not her gift.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:11 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Regardless of where the tshirt came from, is it something you would have picked for yourself? What about the book - do you like it? Could it be out of print and that's why it's used? Maybe she had only so much money to spend on gifts.

    I think that you are assuming she didn't put thought into the gift. I also think that you're disappointed because she didn't spend as much money as you did. In truth, you're the one not being a good friend, not the other way around.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:18 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • wow this post made me rethink some of the gifts i purchased this year that where from cosignment shops (so used) but what i thought people in my life would really enjoy .........personal i would love to get a great book (used or not) a comfy tee and a bag of sweets that i could hide from the kids and enjoy some me time.....maybe this is how she thought about the gift?

    Answer by cara124 at 9:29 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I know you already asked for us NOT to say this.. but you know it's going to happen anyway. So here it goes..

    Maybe things are a little rough financially this year and she did the best she could. Especially if this is not something that typically happens from her every year then obviously there has been some kind of change in her budget and she did the best that she could. I live 12 hours away from ALL my friends and family and I would be happy to get even a home made card in the mail from one of them. But, it never happens.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:10 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Maybe those items do have personal meaning for her. The t-shirt could be something that reminds her of fun with you, the book could be her favorite and the candy is sweetness. The could be very heartfelt on her side.

    I'm sorry you're hurt and disappointed though.

    Answer by SuperChicken at 9:19 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • why do you care so much about material things just be grateful you have her friendship

    Answer by BrandiH. at 9:23 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Maybe the vacation they are taking after Christmas has put a hold on some of their Christmas spending. I understand the feeling of let down when you put a lot of effort into something and don't get anything like that in return. Maybe there are things going on in her life that have kept her from dedicating as much time to Christmas shopping. I know usually I enjoy it, but this year it seems to be overwhelming me. I would think trying to prepare for a vacation (which to me always brings on a ton of stress) right before Christmas would be daunting, maybe she just needs a break this year. I would try to connect with her, she might really need your support right now.


    Answer by scout_mom at 9:28 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Hugs, yes it does 'hurt' when you put a lot of thought, care and love into a gift for someone and they don't seem to put much thought , care or love into their gift. instead they grab something and slap a name on it-- instead of trying to find "the perfect" present or match a present to a person's likes, hobbies, taste.
    I don't know what your friend's reason was behind her gift, but I would use it as a pattern and send her something 'generic' and not put as much thought, care or love into her gift next year!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:17 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Didn't you read my post? She's not struggling financially. We've been friends for 22 years. We share EVERYTHING. No,none of the stuff I received would be something I'd pick for myself.
    Why do you even bother answering if you're just going to put me down? Do you really think making me feel worse is helping!?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:27 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Christmas isn't about gifts at all. I understand you being hurt that your friend didn't put any thought into it, but it shouldn't really matter. The gifts are just for fun anyway, aren't they?

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:38 AM on Dec. 16, 2010