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2 Bumps

Cheating in Marriage (Christians only please)

I also posted this in relationships but would like a Christian view as to what I should do.

I just found out Monday my husband of almost 10 years has been cheating on me. I knew we were having problems but I never ever in a million years would I have ever thought he would do this. It was a girl from work who is much younger and he was also apparently high when he did it. (Seems his been hiding alot.) I also didn't think that we were having problems until about the time this started. He said he wasn't happy with his life but that it wasn't me. I really don't get that. He has cried alot and seems to be very remoresful. I do believe he loves me still, and amazingly I still love him just as much, I am just in total shock that if he loved me so much how could he do this. We are trying to work it out and I really hope it works. I always thought if he cheated that would be it, but then again I never thought he would either. Am I just being stupid? Because even I don't see how he could be inlove with me and do that, yet I believe he still loves me.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I am sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how betrayed and hurt you must be feeling. I always said that I'd leave if my DH cheated, but if he was remorseful and I believed he wouldn't ever do it again, I might not leave. Have you considered counseling? If he really wants to repair your marriage, he should be willing to go to marriage counseling. If it was me, I would insist on him getting tested for HIV now and three months later - no sex until then! Cheating puts your life in danger. Your kids need you to be around for them. I would also insist that he go through drug treatment and get clean. I have some people in my family who struggle with addiction, and I'm afraid I have become skeptical about their chances of staying clean. They have to really make up their minds that they want to do it, then allow people to help them. Pray, pray, pray!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:22 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • No, you are not being stupid. If you both work on this together you can overcome it. It will take time - a lot of it - but you can work through it. Good luck!
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:52 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Anon, I don't think you fully grasp what it's like to heal from infidelity. This woman needs compassion, not bashing. ;o(

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 1:10 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Christian or not this is a GREAT website for dealing with this!! LOTS of support and info for you!! http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp


     

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • If he is truly sorry and wants to change then your marriage can survive this. It will take a lot of work though and you both need to be fully committed to it. If he his not ready to change his ways though and dedicate himself back to his marriage, you do not have to just live with it. Adultery (cheating) is one of only 2 specific cases in with the Bible say divorce is acceptable. I would urge you both to at least try to work things out first though.

    Just know that this is in no way your fault. His decisions, his mistakes. You didn't make him do this to you. *hugs and prayers*
    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 10:49 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You have to do whats best for you, there isn't a right or wrong decision. If he is truly remorseful he needs to make some serious changes, like counselling, both couples and individual. The fact that he is telling multiple lies over an extended period of time would really concern me. It's hard to trust that someone is really sorry if they can be a convincing liar for a long period of time. If it were me I'd make him do some serious work with a counselor and he'd have to prove his commitment over a long period of time, and I would seek counselling for myself. Good Luck.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 3:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • No you arent being stupid. If he wants to fix your relationship and is truly remorseful then your marriage can survive. You may need a christian marriage therapist so he can figure out what caused him to stray and you can have someone to vent to. If you decide to forgive him you cant bring it up over and over again no matter how betrayed and mad you get. In my 1st marriage my husband cheated and I stayed and it was so hard not to be angry. Then 8 years later he did it again and that was it for me.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:21 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. It's definitely not you or your fault. It seems to me that he's not happy with himself. You both but especially he needs some counseling. There could be many reasons for his unsatisfaction. He has to find out the root cause to stop this behavior. He needs to be able to answer the Why for himself and hate what he did. You both need to pray for eachother. I hope you both can get through this.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 10:42 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Why is he remorsefull now? Where was his remorse BEFORE you found out about it? Is he only showing remorse now b/c he got caught?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I think I posed some good questions; and ones I'd be considering if it were my cheating DH.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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