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3 Bumps

I am raising a bully

I don't really know where it came from and I don't know what to do. I am ready to knock my son into next week. Just today he smacked a little girl who sits by him in the face twice. . Also found out its the norm for him to pick on her. Poor little girl is a quiet little girl. The teacher hoped her nature would rub off on my son. But no he's taken to bullying her.

The scary part is I think he likes her. And his way of getting her attention is to hit her. My Dh and I sat down and talked to Ds. Dh said things like do you ever see me hit mommy??. And we asked him if he wanted to be her friend. And he said yes. So of course we told him that she is not going to be his friend if he hits her. And suggested that he say something like"Hi Destiny how are you today??" And of course he was told to apologize tomorrow. But I am at wits end.

Answer Question
 
JrSmOm2005

Asked by JrSmOm2005 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (44 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like he's experiencing emotions that he doesn't know how to deal with. Did you tell him under no circumstances does he a hit girl? Sounds like you and dh did the right thing.good luck

    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:20 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My step-kids are like this, only they have the excuse of they see their mom and step-dad fighting all the time and think it's normal. They don't see DH and I fighting, but they think we don't do it when they are around since they aren't here all the time. My best advice is to keep working with him on not hitting. If you have to 'knock him into next week' then do so, but gently. You don't want him to be scared of you guys. Other moms will tell you that spanking is not the answer, to use time-out and other methods, but I'm a believer that the world would not be in the shape it's in if parents would just spank their kids when they do something wrong instead of saying "it's okay honey, you can hit little suzie and take whatever you want as long as you apologize afterwards". So many rapists are known to apologize while raping a woman because they were told that it would make it 'alright'.
    momnstepmom

    Answer by momnstepmom at 10:20 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • That's a good question. We thought we had a bullying problem but it turned out our son has mild Aspergers Syndrome and just can't quite grasp the concept of "friendship" or how to socialize with the kids. If they're playing around, horsing around hitting and wrestling, he thinks he's playing too, but ends up hurting the others because he doesn't understand the difference. The kids don't like him because they don't understand--hell, I don't always understand myself!--and he thinks the way they treat him is normal. We're about to enroll him in play therapy, where adult counselors take a group of kids and teach them things like how to introduce themselves to kids and share and play nice. It seems to me regardless of mental status, some kids could benefit from play therapy just because.
    mommaserene

    Answer by mommaserene at 10:21 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You just showed us where it came from. Your first instinct is to smack him....guess where he learned it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • We definitely told him under no circumstances do you ever hit a girl. He has been punished to his room. Which means he comes home from school, does his homework and spends the rest of the afternoon in his room. No tv no video games. He hates this with a passion. And on top of that when my husband gets home he gets to smacks on the butt with the bad boy stick. I also told him that once you apologize to the little girl you can't hit her anymore. Because if you apologize and hit her again it won't mean anything and she will not want to be his friend.
    JrSmOm2005

    Comment by JrSmOm2005 (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • if your going to come here to be a smuck and then hide behind anonymous ,like a coward. I don't need your help move on to your next victim.
    JrSmOm2005

    Comment by JrSmOm2005 (original poster) at 10:42 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I think I would talk to his doctor and get a professional opinion. If he isn't modeling this behavior from home, which it sounds like he is not. And you have discussed it with him, well perhaps there is something else at the root. I really think that is a drastic line that he crossed and if he were my son, I would want to know why. I also wonder how are his social skills and relations with his male peers in class? The good thing is that you are on top of it, your teacher is honest and informing you. I think you need to seek a professional opinion and get it turned around now while he is still young.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:47 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You tell him not to hit, but when he does, he gets hit. That does not make sense to a kid. It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm an adult. By the way, if DH is the only one who hits with the "bad boy stick" guess who becomes afraid of dad. Take it from someone who has been in that situation. You need to take him to school and set up an appointment with him, girl, and her parents. The kids need to get their emotions out and the parents need to help them. Not just the teacher. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 10:58 AM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • How old is your child?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:56 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • My son is 5
    JrSmOm2005

    Comment by JrSmOm2005 (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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