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i am feeling so sad, and depressed right now becuase i feel my husband dosent want to be help out or wanna learn whats to come soon. is that normal? and what can i do to fix it?

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cardea1327

Asked by cardea1327 at 12:10 PM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • (((HUGS)))
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:15 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Many men think having babies is "woman's" stuff so they don't get in to it. Did his dad help his mom? Do his uncles get in to pregnancies with their wives? I'm sure a lot of it has to do with what he was taught
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:18 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You're due in March, from your profile. Is this his first? He may either be blase because he's been here before and it's old hat, or scared to death because he's never done this before and not willing to show you that he's scared!

    Have you scheduled your birthing class yet? That and childcare are the two biggest things for him right now. Schedule these things. And then start LEARNING. Don't spend a lot of time on the layette and the nursery, as compared to what you spend on learning about feeding and infant care. The latter is what will take up most of your time when baby arrives.

    Most dads do come around. But I wouldn't spend much time being depressed about it. You've got better things to do! (They especially tend to come around when we no longer care whether they do or not.)
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:20 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • ty for all u thoughts so far. his dad was never around in his life so i am thinking he might not jujst know how to be a father yet. at times hes okay but laltly i have been trying to talk to him about how i feel and whats going to happen in the delivery room bc i got booklets from a birthing class but we cant do them together bc hes working on the days they offer them witch sux and i wanted to see if he would just take the time off and he said no we nee the money blah. i agree we need the money but i also wanna do this thing as a family. so i just pushed that off and got booklets instead and then when i wanted him to read them and ask me questions about anything he didnt seem to intrested in it. so now i feel he has no intrest in the whole thing and i feel alone and that ill be alone giving birth bc he wot knwo what to do. men for ya hehe ty for your thoughts Bobbie Lee
    cardea1327

    Comment by cardea1327 (original poster) at 12:26 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Why don't you talk to him about it? See why he says he isn't showing much interest.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:28 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • ill try to talk to hm tonight. and hope things come out. i just thought seeing this is his first blood child he be more into it. i dont know if all men go threw this or mine just dose. ty
    cardea1327

    Comment by cardea1327 (original poster) at 12:32 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • my hubby was really freaked out about being a dad! at first he was thrilled but as i got bigger he started freak out that it was real and we were going to have a baby! lol! i talked to him about it alot ! his dad was not around when he was little so my hubby wasnt sure how to b a dad! talk to him about it and see wat he says! good luck! oh and now that we have our dd he is the best father! having a baby is a big deal it will change ur lives forever so its ok from him to b freaked out! dont take it personal! *hugs*
    Caroline2010

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 12:35 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • They have movies about the birth experience, maybe watching something first hand rather than reading a pamphlet will get him into it a bit more. For my DH, he didn't have much interest in the books either, but at the class he got more into things. He's just not a big reader, and I think the whole nine months everything was very real for me, since this child was in my body after all, but it was a more abstract idea to my DH. It's definitely important to have a birth plan, and at least to have him know what you want in case you are too busy laboring to communicate clearly with the staff, and also to know what has to be done once the baby comes. I was confined to bed for 24 hours after delivery, so my DH changed every diaper and burped the baby for that entire time. He also learned by doing. Can you schedule a hospital tour for a time he is off work, that can at least give him some ideas of what will happen. Good luck Mama!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:36 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • ty caroline very helpful knowing some one went threw it to and i wasnt the only one. i will deff talk to him tonight about it. and find out his feeling. ty again hugs back to u.
    cardea1327

    Comment by cardea1327 (original poster) at 12:38 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • One more thought, he may think he is doing the best thing a father can do- working and earning money to support you. He may be worrying about these matters and trying to take care of everything he can financially, thinking that is his role as the father and provider. So try not be depressed about it, as those actions are also very loving and show a big committment. Like you said, if his father was not involved then no one has ever shown him how to be a dad, so he is doing the best he can. It doesn't necessarily mean he isn't excited about the baby or that he doesn't want to support you and be there for you, he just might not know how to do that in the way you are expecting.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:40 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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