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a constant fight with my inlaws and I am so tired of it that I think I am not going to let the kids see them on Christmas !

So when I got to work and stuff I have my boyfriends parents watch my 2 kids ( my boyfriend is deployed) ....

They are constantly complianing about every little mark on the kids and this and that... they are 1 and 2 years old ! They are suppose to have marks on them ! .

Just because I am not one of those helicopter moms doesnt mean I am not a good one!

When the kids with the helicopter moms cant go to school or be without their mom for 5 mintues... mine will be independant and can rely on themselves ! How can they not think that THAT is not more important ?
I am serioulsy considering them not going over there on Christmas because they are making me so mad when they try to talk to me about this shit !!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (15)
  • Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. They obviously love your children very much. You'll work it out eventually, but in the meantime, don't mess up christmas for your kids.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 3:52 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Gee, I bet that will solve all your problems. Don't take them over for Christmas and you'll probably not be taking them over any other day as well. Your husband is deployed, he doesn't need to hear from his parents that you didn't take the kids there. Sounds like everyone is stressed out. How about trying to talk to them and say you are doing your best to be a good mom. I doubt they are intending to make you feel guilty. You will be hurting your kids if you don't take them there. Try to clear the air and have a good Christmas for everyone involved.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 3:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster, think of the kids, and bite the bullet.

    Answer by older at 3:53 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I wouldn't do that just because its Christmas and you don'twant them to say they wont watch your kids any longer. Christmas is also for the kids, dont ruin it for them. You should just tell them exactly what you just told us. I take care of my kids, I want them to be independent, I dont want them to cry every time they fall down, Im a good mother and I dont like you saying anything different. Good Luck and Im the same way with my kids. Merry Christmas


    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 3:54 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Tell them there's nothing they can say or do to make you more concerned over cuts and bruises unless its a life and death situation. Tell them kids will be kids and they'll get hurt because of rough housing and such. To stop telling you how to be a parent towards your children or else they won't come over on Christmas. Good luck. I hope you find a solution to your situation.

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 3:58 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Hey I think you should tell them you are the parent and they are the grandparents and they are welcome to come over and enjoy the kids in the place of the grandparents.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:04 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Christmas does not HAVE to be spent with your inlaws. If you want to have Christmas at home with your own kids and not with his family, do it. I wish I had put my foot down about Christmas from the start, but I didn't and now I have spent the last 18 Christmases with my MIL. I won't get the kid's Christmases back when they were little. Spend time with your kids while they are little while you can.  Not spending the day with your inlaws is not going to ruin your kid's Christmas - but seeing you obviously upset by the things your inlaws are saying to you will stick with them.


    Answer by scout_mom at 4:05 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • It's obvious that they make you feel defensive about how you care for your children. I would find a neutral party to help you discuss the matter with them so no one gets upset. But leave it until after Christmas. Don't punish your kids because you are annoyed with their grandparents.

    Do you think that they just might be overcompensating from their worry over their child being deployed? I'm sure they are scared that he will get more than scratches and bruises. Plus you are likely feeling it the same. So they say something and you get annoyed. Try assuming that it is out of love that they are doing it, not fear that you are bad mother.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 4:06 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Their griping is the price you pay for free babysitting. I know you are in a hard spot with your SO deployed, but accepting help from them and then turning around and using your kids to penalize them for behavior you don't like is a pretty crappy thing to do, especially during the holidays.

    Answer by annabellelee at 5:05 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • You have to decide if you want them to babysit or not. You can't control their thoughts, feelings, or actions. You can only control your thoughts, feelings, and responses. If your experience has been your future in-laws question you about every nick, bump, and bruise, then you have some choices to make. Do you choose not to (politely) accept their offer to watch your children? Do you accept their offer to watch your children but smile, nod, and explain the bump in question (politely and with patience).  Or do you decide to NEVER have contact with them because it is too much to handle?  One day you may have their biological you remain convinced no relationship with the grandparents is the best option?  This is all up to you.  Personally, I would not create more chaos and just have patience and grace.  If they really thought you were harming this child the mature thing to do


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:58 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

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