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how can i make my 16 yr old daughter understand me?

i have a 16yr old daughter that has a bf,but he doesnt come to see her untill he wants something ,he says he loves her but i dont think thats love

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I think that she has to learn the hard way that she is being used. You can tell her until you are blue in the face, but she has to learn.
    My (barely) 17 yr old is sitting here reading this question and her advice is:
    "She has to learn on her own, it's part of being a teenager and relationships and getting your heart broken is part of the learning process and helps you learn what to avoid in the future. She will eventually figure it out- it will hurt and suck, but she will grow from it."
    and " if you try to tell her how to handle it, she is probably going to ignore it, possibly get angry and go behind your back more for it"
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:23 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • i would let her learn from her mistakes or she will rebell and end up doin something you both regret. so i sudgest u dont bug her alot about him
    babbykrissy

    Answer by babbykrissy at 6:11 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I agree that she will have to learn what love is and what it isn't on her own but you can have discussions with her about what actions show love and which ones don't. Keep the lines of communication open. Continue to do "girl" things with her like shopping together, watching movies together.......whatever you do to enjoy being with each other. Let her know she can depend on you and come to you no matter what is going on. Talk to her about methods of birth control. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:18 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Is that even possible? i don't have teens, so can't give you personal advice, but it seems to me that at 16, a lot of kids are pretty much deaf, and having a significant other makes it worse. I think unless your daughter is in serious danger, the best you can do is let her know you're there and you love her, and be there to pick up the pieces when she learns this lesson the hard way. You can onlyl say what you have ot say once, then hold your tongue or you will drive her away, and when she finds out you're right, she'll be too ashamed to come to you. Good luck!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 11:17 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • see if she would be receptive to a notebook. pass it back and forth a few times a week w/ notes/letters/etc to each other inside. what is written in the journal stays there, no talking out loud about it or it can make it awkward and ruin the trust/intimacy of it
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 6:10 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • At that age, I don't really think it's a matter of understanding. I think it's more of a matter of control. As a mother of a teenager, they have to know that you are in control. That it's your house and they abide by your rules. If her BF is coming over for any reason at all, that must be OK with you. It's your house, you make the rules. If he's coming over for sex, in your house, I don't really know what to say, because that would never be okay with me in my house. You need to establish rules and guidelines for your own child-- otherwise, you might just wind up raising another child.... Ugh...
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 6:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • make a very real effort to understand HER....sure, you have the wisdom from your own life experience and you need to use this to guide her, but she's not going to be receptive to that unless she feels like you really understand HER point of view...you dont have to agree, just hear her out and try to remember when you were young and naieve.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:50 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Let her learn from her own mistakes. The more you push, the more she will stand her ground.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:25 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Have you asked her how she feels without telling her about your feelings on the matter?

    Most teens when given a chance to speak in a nonjudgemental and non instructional venue will see the pot holes in the logic. They can talk it out.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 1:14 AM on Dec. 17, 2010

  • I 100% disagree with babykrissys advice... it is weak and doesnt help a teenager at all. You are the parent be one.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Dec. 17, 2010

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