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Dont know how to deal with future MIL

My SO and i live together happily but his mom seems to be determined to tear us apart. She cries and whines because I cook dinner, and wash the clothes, changed the shower curtain in my bathroom (from hers because it had mildew on it and needed to be cleaned), and pretty much throws a fit to my SO about every little thing. She cursed me out and called me a bitch for fixing dinner one day and then turned around and told my SO she 'didnt mean what she said' when he told her she needed to leave. She fake apologized to me as I told him she would and was back doing and saying nasty things about me the next day. My SO told me earlier today she told him I was cheating on him and our baby might not be his. She's even trying to get him to go to church to meet the pastor so he can tell him Im a bad woman. I feel very disrespected and she has definitely taken her level of jealousy way too far. I have been the bigger woman and turned the other cheek but it is obvious this woman is out to ruin my relationship, and I must admirt its definitely putting a damper on my day to day mood when I come home. Im at wits end of how to deal with this. I know my SO stands by me as he said he's just tired and annoyed by her but we really dont know what to do. He keeps asking me what to do but Im not the type of woman who tells a man what to do I want him to make decisions on his own. She helped cosign for him to get his house he pays all the bills but she just wont leave. I had planned to leave but I dont want to leave him in that situation (he's moved in with me when I'd had an apt. to get away from her) this situation needs to be dealt with. Any suggestions. I'm trying to remain as civil with her as possible.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Dec. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I have to tell you my MIL is the same way. When my DH and I were first married it got really bad and one day she yelled at my DH. She usually only complained about me, although not this day. It was enough to send him over the edge and we didn't talk to her for 4 years. She is back in our lives now and I try very hard to not talk about her with my DH. He has enough stress in his life so I tell other people about the things she does that make me crazy. I have also learned to totally ignore anything she says. My DH will tell her if she is acting crazy and he doesn't have time to deal with her.

    I think you need to ask SO to have a talk with her and let her know that he is staying with you no matter what she says. My Dh also told me that I should say something to her. I said "you don't want me to do that because she would never talk to us again."

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:01 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • She needs to butt out and go away... if he will stand up for you than you are ok.... if he stands up for her, not so much. Good luck and bull crap on her!

    Answer by bjojola at 11:03 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • I had the same problem as first with my MIL. She was on hubbies checking account when we first got together and everytime he would spend money, she would call me and say that I was making him spend his hard earned money on me. Mind you, I was making more money at the time than he was! When he called her and told her we wanted to get married she asked all nice if I would call her and let her help plan the wedding. So I called her and she chewed me out and said I was a whore and made her baby lose his virginity (He was SOO not a virgin). I just told her how it was everytime, but I was calm and tactful when I did it. I just told her tha we were adults and that I was sorry she didn't like OUR choices, but that she would have to get over them. I told her that i would love to have her in our life, but that if she kept up the disrespect I would not tolerate it. She stills tries every now and than to boss me or say mean thingsto me...

    Answer by usdragonflies at 11:05 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • when hubby isn't around, but I just calmly tell her like it is.

    Answer by usdragonflies at 11:06 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Sounds like it time for an ultimatum (from hubby to his mama)!! Which unfortunately means you giving him one first. I refuse to tell my SO what do as well! I have come to the point (especially concerning our child) that ultimatums are the only way to go. They still involve a choice, so your not telling him what to do!! Everything is a choice! In that situation, if he chooses mom than if you are prepared to so and able to do so, than leave and see what happens!! Give him a reality check!! But hopefully he will make the proper choice and your MIL will wind wind up with the reality check!!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 11:06 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • His momma needs to find somewhere else to live.

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 11:07 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • What a troublemaker! She has no respect for you or for her son's relationship with you. I agree, she needs to go live somewhere else. If I were you, I would most definitely tell SO that he needs to make a decision because you can't live like that. If he can't get her out, then you need to find your own place and perhaps even reconsider how significant SO really is in your life....good luck!

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:27 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • you can always off the old hag

    Answer by cheribabii613 at 11:32 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

  • Either way you look at it, your MIL is probably trying to "rock" your relationship with him. It sounds like she is living with you. If this is the case, she needs to be living somewhere else. Since she is your husbands mother, he needs to tell her that she needs to find another place to live. I know it's hard when living with MIL, I did it,and I know what it's like. She didn't live with us (thank God), even though she wasn't there in our home, she did too much talking about me to everybody else and being the bad guy. I just wasn't good enough for him in her eyes. He finally left me, and I'm so glad that I never have to deal with her again. But I hope in your case that it all works out. Good Luck!

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:55 PM on Dec. 16, 2010

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